Sorry again about the wait for the chapter. I am still recovering from the flu but I am on the mend. I never figured out how to post the picture of my scan onto blogger. If you wants to see it let me know and I will see what I can figure out.
Anyway, the wait is over. Enjoy folks and thanks again for the comments and support.
...
I looked up when I heard the door open to see Tyler come in. I didn’t have the energy to tell him to go away. He said something to someone outside the room but I didn’t hear what it was and then he came over after closing the door and put his hand on my shoulder. Instinctively I pulled away from his touch.
“Don’t touch me Tyler” I growled back at him, my voice hoarse from crying, I moved further along the wall so he decided to sit down a couple of metres away from me.
“I miss you Gill.” He said softly breaking the icy silence.
I eventually turn my head to look at him, tears still flowing from my eyes.
“What do you want me to say Tyler? You broke my heart and I can’t stop feeling the pain, it just won’t go away and I want to hate you for it.” My voice was soft and calm, my mind racing a million miles an hour.
“I am sorry Gill for making you feel the way you do, if it is any conciliation I am hurting as well.” His eyes were finally full of emotion, I could see the pain, the love, and the want, so many mixed emotions that I knew he wanted to put into words.
I let out a little laugh. “You brought this on yourself Tyler, you finished with me remember and as far as I am aware I never did anything to initiate it.” I stood up and starting pacing the room. I had so many emotions running through me, I wanted to shout and scream at him, I wanted to hate him but most of all I wanted to hold him close to me and feel his strong arms around me again, to that feel safe secure feeling that always came over me when I was in his company.
“I know this is all my fault Gill, I take full responsibility for this but I want you to know how sorry I am and I want to make things right, I want you to love me again and trust me enough to let me back in your life. I want you back and I will do everything I can to make that happen.” His voice was pleading, evidently full of pain.
“Do you think I don’t love you any more?” I snapped at him, my voice getting louder. “I have never stopped loving you and have never stopped thinking about you. I miss you like crazy and I want nothing more than to hold you and tell you that everything is ok, that we can try again but it is not that easy. I can’t just forget the pain you have caused me. I can’t forgive you for it.”
I sat down on one of the large window sills looking out at the night, darkness was beginning to fall and people were starting to go home from work, the car parks busy with people desperate to get away from their working life.
“You know the one thing I hate about living in the city Tyler? I hate not being able to see the stars. I grew up in a little town on the coast and I was always going down to the beach and watching the stars. I would sit there for hours lost in my own world. It was always the one place that I could go that would allow me to forget my problems. I don’t know if you have ever been out to my out house at the bottom of my garden?” I turned to look at him and he shook his head no. His eyes are red from crying and his curly hair wild from running his hands through it.
“Well it has a glass roof so that I can relax and watch the stars, I make sure that there are no outside lights on so that you get a good view. I have only ever once seen a shooting star and I was amazed, hopefully one day my wish will come true. Do you like the stars Tyler?” I looked back at him again.
“Yeah, but I have never really seen them properly, I have always lived in the city.
“I love the snow though. It makes me feel like a child again.” His eyes were beginning to look hopefully that maybe this conversation meant that we had made a break through.
“Maybe I can show you the stars sometime.
“I too like the snow, it is beautiful to watch, very relaxing.”
We sat in silence again for what felt like an eternity but was only a few moments when there was a faint knock at the door.
“Come in” I said loudly as I turned to the door. It was Ray and Mario.
“Sorry kids” Mario started “but they are about to lock up the arena.” He always called us all kids just like Don Cherry does on Hockey Night in Canada. I sometimes think he actually does think of us all as his children. He would do anything for each and every one of us especially Sid.
“Ok, just give me 5 minutes to gather my things together, sorry if we have been disruptive.” I answered.
“Don’t worry as long as everything is ok. Let me give you a hand down to your car with your bags.” Mario continued.
The 3 guys grabbed a couple of bags each and I locked up the room behind us and followed them down to my car. Mario slowed down and started walking next to me.
“Are you ok Gill?” He asked quietly so that Tyler did not hear but loud enough for me to hold a conversation with him.
“Yeah, I am alright thanks Mario.” I answer giving him a small pat on the back so that he knows I appreciate his concern.
“I am just going to say one thing to you,” he says in his soft fatherly tone as he stops to look at me. “Follow your heart and do what is going to make you happy in the long run, don’t worry about what anyone else has to say just do what is best for you and if that means getting back together with Tyler and trusting him then that is what you need to do. Live for today as you never know what tomorrow will bring.”
I leaned in and gave him a small hug.
“Thanks Mario.”
We said nothing further until we reached the car. I unlocked it allowing the guys to put my stuff in the back.
“Thanks guys, see you all soon.”
Ray and Mario walked off leaving Tyler and I alone again.
“Can we talk some more Gill please, maybe at your house?” He asks avoiding eye contact with me.
“I don’t know, I don’t think I can take any more arguing.”
He looks up at me, his eyes saying so much as I spend a few moments just staring back at him.
“Ok, you can come up for a while but I am still not making any promises. Can you go past the take away on your way, I can’t be bothered cooking.”
I turned away without waiting for an answer and got in my car and began to drive home unsure of what to expect of the night ahead of me.
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Monday, 21 September 2009
So very sorry.
So sorry that I have been rubbish with the updates, I have not been keeping very well so I have spent so much time sleeping, want to make sure I don't harm the baby. As soon as I am better I will make sure to get a couple of up dates posted.
So sorry guys and thanks for your patience.
Take care xx
So sorry guys and thanks for your patience.
Take care xx
Monday, 7 September 2009
Chapter 30
(TKs Prov)
As I stand under the hot water of the shower I think about the couple of hours that have just passed. Feeling Gill touch my skin again, seeing her look in my eyes has just enhanced the pain that has never really gone away since the minute I left her house. The pain I have felt in my heart has been excruciating, much worse than I could have ever imagined and the look in her eyes has enhanced the pain making it worse, she looked at me with hatred, with anger and I am not sure that their was any love there any more.
“Oi TK! Are you going to stand under that shower all day?” I hear Flower shout at me from the locker room breaking me from my trance.
“Na, I was just thinking.” I answer blandly switching off the shower and wrapping a towel around my waist, running my hands through my hair to try and keep the unruly curls at bay knowing that I am probably just making them worse and am in need desperate need of a hair cut.
“Will you sit down for a minute Tyler I would like to talk to you?” Flower asks me sounding very serious.
“What is this about?” I ask as I sit down opposite him on one of the benches in the middle of the locker room, he looked into my eyes as if trying to see what was going on in my mind.
“I know you probably won’t want to hear this but please listen to me…
“When you broke up with Gill we thought you must have been doing it for a reason that we did not know but the more I watch you the more I see how unhappy you are. You barely talk to us any more and you never come out with us after a game. Although your game is still good you are just not yourself any more and it worries me.
“Let me tell you a little secret. When I first got called up for the 1st team and started travelling with them Vero and I found it really difficult being apart from one and other. Growing up we were practically inseparable and then suddenly we were going for a week at least without seeing each other but you know what got me through it? The fact that I would see her smiling face when I got back home, that her bright eyes would only see me and her arms would hold me like I was the most important person in the world. I knew that I had that to look forward too and it held me together. She is my world and I would rather deal with the pain of missing her for a week than finishing with her and never feeling her touch again, never seeing her look in my eyes again, maybe never seeing her at all ever again, that thought for me is just to much to handle.
“Gill loves you Tyler and she has been feeling just as bad as you while you have been apart, probably feeling even worse than you do. Vero has not seen her in over a month and is really worried about her. Please at least talk to her and see if you can be civil to each other. We miss you both.
“I saw the way you looked at her at kung fu this afternoon, the emotion was starting to appear in your eyes again and I know that you felt something when you were working with her. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace the feelings and follow your heart.
“You are a very good friend of mine Tyler and I am worried about you. I hope you can find away to sort through this, please come and talk to me if you need someone and don’t shut us all out, I know Kris and Jordan miss you a lot and are very worried about you too.”
With that said he got up and put his hand on my shoulder, gave it a little squeeze and left the room without saying anything further. I sat there for a few moments longer with my head in my hands thinking about what he had said. His relationship with Vero is so strong and it is hard to believe they have ever had troubles, they are so happy together and a complete inspiration.
I eventually decided that I needed to talk to Gill.
I finished drying myself and got changed into jeans and a top instead of my usual training clothes, heading out to my car I noticed Staalzy and some others were still in the gym but instead of stopping and talking to them like I knew I should I headed to my car to drive to Gills.
As I reached my car I noticed hers was still parked next to mine. Hmm, I wonder where she is. I phoned over to her office to see if she had gone in to do some work. I rang her direct dial but got through to Lorna.
“Good afternoon, Robertson Publishing how can I help?” She answers in her usual bubbly voice.
“Hi Lorna its Tyler, is Gill in?”
“No, is she not over with you guys? It is good to hear your voice again Tyler.”
“Thanks Lorna, it is nice to hear yours too. We will have to try and meet up soon. She was here but we finished up about 40 minutes ago but her car is still out front. I will call her on her cell. Thanks Lorna, take care.”
I hung up and called her cell getting straight to voicemail, I left a quick message asking her to call me.
I went back into the Melon and tried the door handle to the training room where we had our kung fu class and it was locked but I swear I could hear something from inside so I headed down to Ray Shero’s office.
“Ray, have you seen Gill this afternoon?” I ask getting more worried by the minute.
“No, not since she finished up the kung fu class, you haven’t gone and upset her again have you?” He asks trying to lighten the mood.
“Not that I am aware of. Do you have the keys for the training room?”
“Gill still has them, she must have forgotten to give me them back.”
“I think she is still here, her car is still outside and she is not in her office, I am really worried Ray. Can you sign out the spare keys for me? I think she may have locked herself in the training room.”
Ray got the spare keys from reception for me and we went up to the training room just as Jordan came out of the gym.
I unlocked to the door to see Gill curled up in a ball rocking back and forward, tears spilling from her eyes.
“Thanks guys, I will take it from here.” I say to them both as I throw the keys at Jordan.
“Gill…” I reach down to her putting my hand on her shoulder.
As I stand under the hot water of the shower I think about the couple of hours that have just passed. Feeling Gill touch my skin again, seeing her look in my eyes has just enhanced the pain that has never really gone away since the minute I left her house. The pain I have felt in my heart has been excruciating, much worse than I could have ever imagined and the look in her eyes has enhanced the pain making it worse, she looked at me with hatred, with anger and I am not sure that their was any love there any more.
“Oi TK! Are you going to stand under that shower all day?” I hear Flower shout at me from the locker room breaking me from my trance.
“Na, I was just thinking.” I answer blandly switching off the shower and wrapping a towel around my waist, running my hands through my hair to try and keep the unruly curls at bay knowing that I am probably just making them worse and am in need desperate need of a hair cut.
“Will you sit down for a minute Tyler I would like to talk to you?” Flower asks me sounding very serious.
“What is this about?” I ask as I sit down opposite him on one of the benches in the middle of the locker room, he looked into my eyes as if trying to see what was going on in my mind.
“I know you probably won’t want to hear this but please listen to me…
“When you broke up with Gill we thought you must have been doing it for a reason that we did not know but the more I watch you the more I see how unhappy you are. You barely talk to us any more and you never come out with us after a game. Although your game is still good you are just not yourself any more and it worries me.
“Let me tell you a little secret. When I first got called up for the 1st team and started travelling with them Vero and I found it really difficult being apart from one and other. Growing up we were practically inseparable and then suddenly we were going for a week at least without seeing each other but you know what got me through it? The fact that I would see her smiling face when I got back home, that her bright eyes would only see me and her arms would hold me like I was the most important person in the world. I knew that I had that to look forward too and it held me together. She is my world and I would rather deal with the pain of missing her for a week than finishing with her and never feeling her touch again, never seeing her look in my eyes again, maybe never seeing her at all ever again, that thought for me is just to much to handle.
“Gill loves you Tyler and she has been feeling just as bad as you while you have been apart, probably feeling even worse than you do. Vero has not seen her in over a month and is really worried about her. Please at least talk to her and see if you can be civil to each other. We miss you both.
“I saw the way you looked at her at kung fu this afternoon, the emotion was starting to appear in your eyes again and I know that you felt something when you were working with her. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace the feelings and follow your heart.
“You are a very good friend of mine Tyler and I am worried about you. I hope you can find away to sort through this, please come and talk to me if you need someone and don’t shut us all out, I know Kris and Jordan miss you a lot and are very worried about you too.”
With that said he got up and put his hand on my shoulder, gave it a little squeeze and left the room without saying anything further. I sat there for a few moments longer with my head in my hands thinking about what he had said. His relationship with Vero is so strong and it is hard to believe they have ever had troubles, they are so happy together and a complete inspiration.
I eventually decided that I needed to talk to Gill.
I finished drying myself and got changed into jeans and a top instead of my usual training clothes, heading out to my car I noticed Staalzy and some others were still in the gym but instead of stopping and talking to them like I knew I should I headed to my car to drive to Gills.
As I reached my car I noticed hers was still parked next to mine. Hmm, I wonder where she is. I phoned over to her office to see if she had gone in to do some work. I rang her direct dial but got through to Lorna.
“Good afternoon, Robertson Publishing how can I help?” She answers in her usual bubbly voice.
“Hi Lorna its Tyler, is Gill in?”
“No, is she not over with you guys? It is good to hear your voice again Tyler.”
“Thanks Lorna, it is nice to hear yours too. We will have to try and meet up soon. She was here but we finished up about 40 minutes ago but her car is still out front. I will call her on her cell. Thanks Lorna, take care.”
I hung up and called her cell getting straight to voicemail, I left a quick message asking her to call me.
I went back into the Melon and tried the door handle to the training room where we had our kung fu class and it was locked but I swear I could hear something from inside so I headed down to Ray Shero’s office.
“Ray, have you seen Gill this afternoon?” I ask getting more worried by the minute.
“No, not since she finished up the kung fu class, you haven’t gone and upset her again have you?” He asks trying to lighten the mood.
“Not that I am aware of. Do you have the keys for the training room?”
“Gill still has them, she must have forgotten to give me them back.”
“I think she is still here, her car is still outside and she is not in her office, I am really worried Ray. Can you sign out the spare keys for me? I think she may have locked herself in the training room.”
Ray got the spare keys from reception for me and we went up to the training room just as Jordan came out of the gym.
I unlocked to the door to see Gill curled up in a ball rocking back and forward, tears spilling from her eyes.
“Thanks guys, I will take it from here.” I say to them both as I throw the keys at Jordan.
“Gill…” I reach down to her putting my hand on her shoulder.
Sunday, 30 August 2009
News.
Hi all.
Just a quick note to say thanks for continuing to read my story I hope you are all still enjoying it. I will get a new chapter posted in a few days. We were on holiday last week and have been pretty busy since we got back, still off work for another week so will get a chapter posted soon,
On another note I have some news, I am 12 weeks pregnant and very very happy about it.
Thanks again for your continued support, I much appreciate all the comments.
Take care all xx
Just a quick note to say thanks for continuing to read my story I hope you are all still enjoying it. I will get a new chapter posted in a few days. We were on holiday last week and have been pretty busy since we got back, still off work for another week so will get a chapter posted soon,
On another note I have some news, I am 12 weeks pregnant and very very happy about it.
Thanks again for your continued support, I much appreciate all the comments.
Take care all xx
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Chapter 29
Days began to pass in a blur and I busied myself in the office. I avoided spending time with anyone. I would speak to Vero, Clair, Lorna and Jordan on the phone occasionally but refused to go anywhere with them or do anything that meant leaving the house other than to go to the office or hold kung fu practice. I would never have anyone round at the house and I became a bit of a hermit.
I stopped going to all the hockey games and kept a strictly professional attitude when conducting the kung fu lessons. They has all passed their first grading and it was soon time for their second one and Ray had said he would organise another instructor to help with the gradings, these had to be supervised by another qualified instructor.
I still felt empty and completely heartbroken, I missed Tyler more than words could explain and I continued to love him more each day. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to hurt him but I couldn’t, when I was honest with myself what I really wanted was to have him back, to hold him in my arms again. Not only did I miss Tyler but I missed the team, in such a short time they had become such good friends and now I have no one.
I had not had a good nights sleep in so long, every night was riddled with nightmares and I woke up in a cold sweat almost every night, I got to the stage that I was to scared to even go to sleep. I would cuddle up with Tylers jumper, letting his scent soothe me until I had no choice but to close my eyes and let sleep take over.
I still had not opened the envelope that Tyler had left the night he finished with me. I couldn’t bring myself to find out what it contained and for once the feeling of curiosity did not over power me.
I tormented myself by watching all of his interviews and such like, it was the only way to know that he was still ok and I could tell that he was not very happy, when he smiled it never reached his eyes and the contagiousness of his smile was missing, I wanted to make it better but he was the cause, he brought it on himself and for all I know that may not even be the reason of his unhappy face.
A month had passed and Tyler and I had still not spoken and soon it was time for him to be my volunteer at kung fu again and I dreaded it.
“Right I believe everyone has had their turn at being my volunteer so we shall start at the beginning and work in the same order as we did the last time so if my memory serves me right then it is your turn Tyler.” I announce as I stand in front of the class, the heart beating ridiculously fast.
I heard a few gasps and could see the look of worry on everyone’s faces but Tyler still just looked with no emotion, his eyes still cold.
We completed our warm up and then carried out our leg stretching. I could feel that when he felt my touch he was shaking. I could feel his body quiver and emotion beginning to appear in his eyes but instead of making me feel better I seemed to get angrier by the minute.
“Ok guys, we are going to do some self defense again today.” I announced to everyone.
I was pretty forceful with Tyler and managed to get him to the floor several times without any effort. I knew my limits and I knew what I could do without hurting him as we had practised kung fu and strengthening exercises when we were still together. I did not want to hurt him I just want to humiliate him, to make him see how much he has hurt me, to make his feel weak in front of his friends. He didn’t really put up much of a fight and I knew that I was getting to him. I got a few concerning glances from the guys but at the moment Tyler was my only focus.
The class was over soon enough and when the last of the team were gone I locked the door, curled up in a ball and broke down in tears, holding my knees to my chest I cried so hard still feeling completely heartbroken and hurt beyond words. I knew that I should have waited until I got home but I was hurting so much, the pain was to much to deal with any more.
‘I know that I have got to him today, I thought it would make me feel better if I hurt him but I think it has made me feel worse. I didn’t think I could possibly feel any worse but the pain is just unbearable.'
I stopped going to all the hockey games and kept a strictly professional attitude when conducting the kung fu lessons. They has all passed their first grading and it was soon time for their second one and Ray had said he would organise another instructor to help with the gradings, these had to be supervised by another qualified instructor.
I still felt empty and completely heartbroken, I missed Tyler more than words could explain and I continued to love him more each day. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to hurt him but I couldn’t, when I was honest with myself what I really wanted was to have him back, to hold him in my arms again. Not only did I miss Tyler but I missed the team, in such a short time they had become such good friends and now I have no one.
I had not had a good nights sleep in so long, every night was riddled with nightmares and I woke up in a cold sweat almost every night, I got to the stage that I was to scared to even go to sleep. I would cuddle up with Tylers jumper, letting his scent soothe me until I had no choice but to close my eyes and let sleep take over.
I still had not opened the envelope that Tyler had left the night he finished with me. I couldn’t bring myself to find out what it contained and for once the feeling of curiosity did not over power me.
I tormented myself by watching all of his interviews and such like, it was the only way to know that he was still ok and I could tell that he was not very happy, when he smiled it never reached his eyes and the contagiousness of his smile was missing, I wanted to make it better but he was the cause, he brought it on himself and for all I know that may not even be the reason of his unhappy face.
A month had passed and Tyler and I had still not spoken and soon it was time for him to be my volunteer at kung fu again and I dreaded it.
“Right I believe everyone has had their turn at being my volunteer so we shall start at the beginning and work in the same order as we did the last time so if my memory serves me right then it is your turn Tyler.” I announce as I stand in front of the class, the heart beating ridiculously fast.
I heard a few gasps and could see the look of worry on everyone’s faces but Tyler still just looked with no emotion, his eyes still cold.
We completed our warm up and then carried out our leg stretching. I could feel that when he felt my touch he was shaking. I could feel his body quiver and emotion beginning to appear in his eyes but instead of making me feel better I seemed to get angrier by the minute.
“Ok guys, we are going to do some self defense again today.” I announced to everyone.
I was pretty forceful with Tyler and managed to get him to the floor several times without any effort. I knew my limits and I knew what I could do without hurting him as we had practised kung fu and strengthening exercises when we were still together. I did not want to hurt him I just want to humiliate him, to make him see how much he has hurt me, to make his feel weak in front of his friends. He didn’t really put up much of a fight and I knew that I was getting to him. I got a few concerning glances from the guys but at the moment Tyler was my only focus.
The class was over soon enough and when the last of the team were gone I locked the door, curled up in a ball and broke down in tears, holding my knees to my chest I cried so hard still feeling completely heartbroken and hurt beyond words. I knew that I should have waited until I got home but I was hurting so much, the pain was to much to deal with any more.
‘I know that I have got to him today, I thought it would make me feel better if I hurt him but I think it has made me feel worse. I didn’t think I could possibly feel any worse but the pain is just unbearable.'
Friday, 14 August 2009
Chapter 28
I woke up feeling completely empty and sick to the bone but I got up and changed into my running gear, putting on my MP3 player I left the house for my usual morning run.
When I got back to the house Jordan was walking down the stairs.
“Morning Gill, how are you feeling?” He asked sleepily looking like he has only had about an hours sleep. He walked towards me only wearing boxer shorts and socks giving me a kiss on my forehead before heading past me to the kitchen.
“To be honest I feel numb, completely empty and sick to the bone all at the same time but I have to get on with my normal routine or I will drive myself insane. How are you? Would you like to join me for a swim?” I ask following him into the kitchen placing my water bottle and my IPod down on the kitchen counter.
Jordan helps himself to fruit juice and starts to boil the kettle as if he was at home.
“I am fine thanks other than having very cold feet, I love your house but you really need to consider getting carpets, I hate having cold feet, it is the one thing in this world that frustrates me.
“Have you not just been for a run? I suppose I could join you in the pool.”
“I don’t need carpets, I have under floor heating so if your feet are cold switch that on and you spend most of your time on ice so I thought your feet would be immune to the cold. I have just been for a 5 mile run and now I will swim 100 lengths. I am just going for a quick shower so I will meet you in the pool.”
I swam my 100 lengths and Jordan stopped at about 70.
“Jesus Gill, I can’t believe you are so damn fit, I don’t think TK was joking when he said that you were fitter than us all put together.”
I felt my eyes stinging again as I heard his name knowing that I will have to stop that if I am to hold a kung fu lesson this afternoon. I am dreading it, I don’t know how I am going to get through the 2 hours.
“I am so sorry Gill, it has become habit so quickly to associate you with Tyler. I wish I could take your pain away.”
We left the pool fairly quickly and Jordan very kindly made pancakes for breakfast and shortly later I managed to convince him to go home.
“I promise I will be ok on my own, I won’t do anything stupid and I will see you at kung fu this afternoon.”
I sent Lorna a text to let her know what has happened.
‘Hey Lor, don’t say anything to anyone but Tyler has broken up with me, I am completely broken hearted. I will see you tomorrow.’
I got a reply when she was on her lunch.
‘I am so sorry Gill, if you want me to do anything please call me, day or night I am here for you.’
The rest of the day the passed fairly quickly as I busied myself with work that I had taken home and before I knew it, it was time to leave for the arena.
I busied myself in the training room when I heard all the boys coming along. I swallowed hard and forced away the tears that were forming determined not to show emotion when everyone was here.
“Right guys, who is going to be my volunteer this week?”
Most of the guys raised there hands so I decided to choose Jordan, I knew that I could be comfortable with him and that he knew about Tyler and I, I was very unsure if anyone else knew. I made a mental note to try and keep the news out of the press, I can’t handle the jibes and such like that were inevitable.
The class went well but when I was giving my instructions for the next lesson I accidentally made eye contact with Tyler, his look was so cold, how could he have no feelings left for me, how could he act like nothing has happened? I suddenly had flash back to when the girls were round and I sang Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, that song is so fitting for this moment.
When I got back to the house Jordan was walking down the stairs.
“Morning Gill, how are you feeling?” He asked sleepily looking like he has only had about an hours sleep. He walked towards me only wearing boxer shorts and socks giving me a kiss on my forehead before heading past me to the kitchen.
“To be honest I feel numb, completely empty and sick to the bone all at the same time but I have to get on with my normal routine or I will drive myself insane. How are you? Would you like to join me for a swim?” I ask following him into the kitchen placing my water bottle and my IPod down on the kitchen counter.
Jordan helps himself to fruit juice and starts to boil the kettle as if he was at home.
“I am fine thanks other than having very cold feet, I love your house but you really need to consider getting carpets, I hate having cold feet, it is the one thing in this world that frustrates me.
“Have you not just been for a run? I suppose I could join you in the pool.”
“I don’t need carpets, I have under floor heating so if your feet are cold switch that on and you spend most of your time on ice so I thought your feet would be immune to the cold. I have just been for a 5 mile run and now I will swim 100 lengths. I am just going for a quick shower so I will meet you in the pool.”
I swam my 100 lengths and Jordan stopped at about 70.
“Jesus Gill, I can’t believe you are so damn fit, I don’t think TK was joking when he said that you were fitter than us all put together.”
I felt my eyes stinging again as I heard his name knowing that I will have to stop that if I am to hold a kung fu lesson this afternoon. I am dreading it, I don’t know how I am going to get through the 2 hours.
“I am so sorry Gill, it has become habit so quickly to associate you with Tyler. I wish I could take your pain away.”
We left the pool fairly quickly and Jordan very kindly made pancakes for breakfast and shortly later I managed to convince him to go home.
“I promise I will be ok on my own, I won’t do anything stupid and I will see you at kung fu this afternoon.”
I sent Lorna a text to let her know what has happened.
‘Hey Lor, don’t say anything to anyone but Tyler has broken up with me, I am completely broken hearted. I will see you tomorrow.’
I got a reply when she was on her lunch.
‘I am so sorry Gill, if you want me to do anything please call me, day or night I am here for you.’
The rest of the day the passed fairly quickly as I busied myself with work that I had taken home and before I knew it, it was time to leave for the arena.
I busied myself in the training room when I heard all the boys coming along. I swallowed hard and forced away the tears that were forming determined not to show emotion when everyone was here.
“Right guys, who is going to be my volunteer this week?”
Most of the guys raised there hands so I decided to choose Jordan, I knew that I could be comfortable with him and that he knew about Tyler and I, I was very unsure if anyone else knew. I made a mental note to try and keep the news out of the press, I can’t handle the jibes and such like that were inevitable.
The class went well but when I was giving my instructions for the next lesson I accidentally made eye contact with Tyler, his look was so cold, how could he have no feelings left for me, how could he act like nothing has happened? I suddenly had flash back to when the girls were round and I sang Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, that song is so fitting for this moment.
Sunday, 2 August 2009
Chapter 27
I heard my phone ring over and over again but I just couldn’t bring myself to answer it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and definitely did not want to see anyone.
I don’t know how long I had been sitting on the cold marble floor crying for when I heard the front door open. I jumped up from the floor getting such a fright at hearing someone in my house and opened the living room door to see Jordan walking towards me.
I just stood there staring at him, tears still flowing constantly from my eyes, I felt like a completely helpless child unable to move.
“Oh Gill what has he done?” Jordan reaches me and pulls me into him and as he does I once again break down, my whole body shaking as I feel my heart breaking further. He guided me back through to the living room and sat me down on one of the sofas letting me cry into his chest for as long as I needed him. His body was warm and it felt strange after sitting on the cold floor for so long.
“What has happened Gill? I just got a text from TK not long after I got home saying that he thought I should come round because you may need a friend at the moment. Talk to me, please. Why is he not here comforting you?”
I eventually sat up and looked at him, tears still flowing freely from my eyes.
‘I must look awful.’
Eventually I managed to find my voice after unsuccessfully trying to explain things a few times previously.
“He finished with me Jordan and I don’t know why. He told me he loves me and missed me when he was away but it is too hard and he thinks it is the right thing to do. I don’t understand Jordan, I know we have only been together a couple of weeks and I never expected to fall in love with him especially this quickly but he has broken my heart, I feel empty and sick, it is such a horrible feeling and I feel so stupid being this torn apart over the relationship since it was all still so new.”
I broke down again, unable to contain my emotions. Jordan pulled me close to him again, holding me against his strong body, I took a deep breathe taking in his scent.
‘He is going to make someone very happy when he finds the right woman. He has become like a little brother to me even though I have not known him for long, I feel like we have a connection.’
“I don’t understand either Gill. All he talked about when we were away was you and how he couldn’t wait to see you again. He does love you please believe me when I say that and I will do everything I can to make this better.”
“Thanks Jordan, you are so good to me. I am so sorry for dragging you out when you just got home, you must have so many places you would rather be.”
“Don’t be silly, we are friends Gill and as you told me not so long ago I am here for you any time you want and my shoulders are stronger than yours so I can carry more tears.” He answers trying to make me laugh.
I lay on the sofa with my head on Jordans lap for what felt like hours, he stroked my hair while I stared into space, eventually the tears drying up. ‘I feel so empty and alone, I cant believe I was so foolish to fall in love with Tyler so quickly but he made me so happy and I want nothing more than for him to walk in here and tell me that he was joking and that he takes it all back...! Stop being an idiot Gill, if he is going to treat you like that then he does not deserve you. I wish I could hate him but I can’t.’
“Gill sweetie, come on, lets get you up to bed. If you don’t mind I am going to sleep in your guest bedroom tonight just in case you need me.” Jordan didn’t bother to let me answer he just picked me up in his arms bridal style and carried me to my bedroom laying me gently on the bed.
“Goodnight Gill, try and get some sleep.”
I curled up under the covers without even changing my clothes and much to my surprise I fell fast asleep.
I don’t know how long I had been sitting on the cold marble floor crying for when I heard the front door open. I jumped up from the floor getting such a fright at hearing someone in my house and opened the living room door to see Jordan walking towards me.
I just stood there staring at him, tears still flowing constantly from my eyes, I felt like a completely helpless child unable to move.
“Oh Gill what has he done?” Jordan reaches me and pulls me into him and as he does I once again break down, my whole body shaking as I feel my heart breaking further. He guided me back through to the living room and sat me down on one of the sofas letting me cry into his chest for as long as I needed him. His body was warm and it felt strange after sitting on the cold floor for so long.
“What has happened Gill? I just got a text from TK not long after I got home saying that he thought I should come round because you may need a friend at the moment. Talk to me, please. Why is he not here comforting you?”
I eventually sat up and looked at him, tears still flowing freely from my eyes.
‘I must look awful.’
Eventually I managed to find my voice after unsuccessfully trying to explain things a few times previously.
“He finished with me Jordan and I don’t know why. He told me he loves me and missed me when he was away but it is too hard and he thinks it is the right thing to do. I don’t understand Jordan, I know we have only been together a couple of weeks and I never expected to fall in love with him especially this quickly but he has broken my heart, I feel empty and sick, it is such a horrible feeling and I feel so stupid being this torn apart over the relationship since it was all still so new.”
I broke down again, unable to contain my emotions. Jordan pulled me close to him again, holding me against his strong body, I took a deep breathe taking in his scent.
‘He is going to make someone very happy when he finds the right woman. He has become like a little brother to me even though I have not known him for long, I feel like we have a connection.’
“I don’t understand either Gill. All he talked about when we were away was you and how he couldn’t wait to see you again. He does love you please believe me when I say that and I will do everything I can to make this better.”
“Thanks Jordan, you are so good to me. I am so sorry for dragging you out when you just got home, you must have so many places you would rather be.”
“Don’t be silly, we are friends Gill and as you told me not so long ago I am here for you any time you want and my shoulders are stronger than yours so I can carry more tears.” He answers trying to make me laugh.
I lay on the sofa with my head on Jordans lap for what felt like hours, he stroked my hair while I stared into space, eventually the tears drying up. ‘I feel so empty and alone, I cant believe I was so foolish to fall in love with Tyler so quickly but he made me so happy and I want nothing more than for him to walk in here and tell me that he was joking and that he takes it all back...! Stop being an idiot Gill, if he is going to treat you like that then he does not deserve you. I wish I could hate him but I can’t.’
“Gill sweetie, come on, lets get you up to bed. If you don’t mind I am going to sleep in your guest bedroom tonight just in case you need me.” Jordan didn’t bother to let me answer he just picked me up in his arms bridal style and carried me to my bedroom laying me gently on the bed.
“Goodnight Gill, try and get some sleep.”
I curled up under the covers without even changing my clothes and much to my surprise I fell fast asleep.
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