Chapter 32

Tyler appeared about half an hour after I got home letting himself in and heading straight to the kitchen with the food.

“I opted for Italian, is that ok? I went to that place that we love so much.”

I looked at him dishing out the food and getting drinks from the fridge carrying on as if everything was ok, I allowed it to pass for the moment and sat down to eat.

‘I love this guy so much, do I really want to take the chance and let him back into my life? On the other hand do I really want to let him go and risk losing him forever?’

I sat staring at him as he ate his pasta and he looked up at me when he noticed giving me that infectious smile I had missed so much.

“What?” He asks with a mouth full of food.

“Nothing” I answer trying so hard not to smile back at him.

We wash up the little amount of dishes that we have used and then head to the living room.

“Why did you not open the envelope I left you?” He asks as he picks it up.

“I couldn’t bring myself to see what was in it.”

He put it in his jacket pocket and then threw his jacket over the arm of the sofa.

“Maybe I will give you it back again if we can ever get through this.”

I sat down at the piano knowing that if I sat playing we would not have to talk, I didn’t know what else to say and I didn’t know where I want to go from here. I keep hearing Mario’s words over and over again.

‘What do I do now? Do I follow my heart as Mario suggested?’

“Can you sing something please Gill?” He asks looking hopeful after we had been sitting for a while.

“I miss hearing you sing, the last memory I have of hearing you sing is the night that I left.”

“What would you like to hear?” I answer, too tired to disagree.

“Anything will do.”

I think about it for a few moments trying to find something with a lot of meaning, something that might start to explain how I am feeling because I just can’t seem to find the right words to express it.

I eventually chose ‘What Do I Do With My Heart’ by The Eagles and the lyrics are as follows:

You don't have to say a word
I can see it in your eyes
I know what you want to say
It's so hard to say goodbye

I can hold back my tears
And try to be strong
While our love is falling apart
I know what I'll say
If you walk away
But what do I do
What do I do with my heart?

I'm not gonna say a word
I know I can't change your mind
You know where you need to go
I know I'll be left behind

I won't hold you back
I won't stand in your way
If you need to make a new start
But I still want to know
When my arms let you go
What do I do
What do I do with my heart?

Oh, girl, don't you remember?
It was not so long ago
We were making plans for two
Just me and you
Now you tell me that you've found somebody
Someone who loves you better
No one could ever love you
The way I do

Tell me you're not leaving now
Tell me you're not leaving
Tell me that you're gonna stay
Please say you'll stay with me, baby
Tell me that you love me still
Say you love me still
For this and this alone I pray
Fall down on my knees and pray

I'll do anything
Yes, I would
To save what we have
To keep you by my side
I'll love you 'til death do us part
But what do I do
What do I do
When I'm still missing you?
What do I do
What do I do with my heart?

I closed the piano lid and sat there with my eyes closed, tears beginning to fall again. After a moment I felt Tylers arms wrap around my shoulders, I took a deep breath taking in that familiar scent that I had missed so much and decided not to push him away.

“I am so so sorry Gill, please let me try to mend your broken heart.” His voice was barely above a whisper and I could tell he too was crying again.

“I am tired Tyler, lets go to bed.” I answered as I got up from the piano stool and turned to look at him, his face confused. “Stay with me tonight, I can’t promise how I will feel in the morning but I want you to hold me. I don’t think I have had a proper night sleep since I was last in your arms.”

I got ready for bed deciding to wear cosy pyjamas with little polar bears all over them and Tyler stripped down to his boxer shorts. We climbed into bed and quickly fell fast asleep without saying anything further to each other.