Chapter 33

Sorry for the long wait folks but the wait is now over, hope the chapter was worth the wait...?

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I awoke the next morning still wrapped in Tylers arms and I actually felt refreshed after a very good nights sleep. I managed to get out of his arms without waking him and went for my morning run, when I returned and went to my room to go for a shower Tyler was awake.

“Morning hunny, did you sleep well?” He smiles as he lies on his back, the sheets sitting just above his waist band.

The butterflies in my tummy danced and I got shivers down my spine hearing him call me hunny again. It was a feeling that I had not felt since before he went to Sweden.

‘I still have no idea what to do, should I trust my instinct and get back with him?’

“Good Morning. I slept well thanks and you? Do you want to come for a swim?” I asked as I tried so hard not to stare at him, he looked amazing and I just wanted to lie back down beside, hold him close and tell him everything was ok.

“I had a great sleep thanks. Yeah I will come with you, I have been practising so I should be able to keep up with you now.” He smiles at me as he gets up leaning in to give me a kiss on his way past but I turned away.

I showered quickly and headed down to the pool making a start to my normal routine when Tyler came and joined me. It was clear that he had been practising and was looking much stronger in his swimming but he still stopped at about 70 lengths.

“What do you want for breakfast?” I ask him as I climb out of the water making sure not to make eye contact with him.

“Can I have some bacon and eggs etc. please? I will help to make it.” He asks climbing out of the pool and moving to put his arms around me but I quickly move before he gets the chance too.

‘I know I can’t avoid this forever.’

I went for a shower and left it on for Tyler to go in after me, although I have more shower in the house that is really the only one that is used and like me Tyler likes the water to be scalding hot.

Making a start on breakfast I think to myself about what I want to do knowing that I can’t lead Tyler on any longer. I must have got lost in my thought because before I knew what was happening Tylers arms were around my waist and he was holding me close to him. I could feel his strong chest against my back, his heart beating fast and the warmth of his breath on my face. Those butterflies insisted on dancing even though I prayed they wouldn’t.

“Let go Tyler” I warned him.

“No Gill it is about time you stopped running from me.” He turned me round to face him and switched the cooker off removing the pans from the hot hobs.

“I love you with all my heart and I am so sorry for all the hurt that I have caused and I have told you that I will make it up to you somehow.

“What else do you want me to say Gill. I am not going to get down on my knees and beg for forgiveness, I know I was wrong and I admit that but I am not going to keep saying it…”

His voice was raised and his eyes were red from anger but I still could not find the right words to say so I just lowered my head and continued to say nothing.

“That’s it Gill, I have had enough.”

He stormed off and instead of leaving like I expected him to he went up the stairs. I sat down on the floor and cried, I must have sat there for about half an hour holding my knees to my chest and he was still up there so I decided to go and see what he was doing and try to talk to him.

“What are you doing Tyler?” I ask as I enter my bedroom to find him looking out some of his clothes and other items that he still had here.

“I am getting my things together Gill, I can’t take this any more. I am hurting too you know. I thought last night that we had made a breakthrough but now you are throwing it back in my face and I can’t handle it.” His eyes were red from anger and I knew that the pain he was feeling was too much to bear.

I sat down beside him on the floor and held his face in my hands knowing that I could not let this continue any longer.

“Please don’t leave Tyler, I love you more than words could possibly explain and I can’t face life without you in it.

“Before I met you I was so independent, I didn’t need anyone in my life but I let you in and I got used to having you with me. Since the day you left me I have felt empty, as if someone had torn my heart out and left it to rot. I can’t feel like that forever more. Please come back to me again Tyler, I am so sorry.”

He sat in silence for a moment looking into my eyes searching for emotions and the truth about my feelings.

“I love you Tyler, please let’s try and make this work.” I said again as if trying to reassure him.

“Oh Gill, I love you too, I know we can get through this. I am so very sorry, I promise to never ever do that to you again, I promise I will never hurt you.” He leaned in pulling me into a big hug, we held each other so close enjoying the feeling of each other again. I took a deep breath and exhaled allowing my body to relax into him.

Finally we pulled away and looked at each other again, I could see he was unsure of what to do so I leaned in and kissed him deeply on the lips, my tongue requesting entry into his mouth. I savoured his taste wanting to make up for so much lost time.

We eventually pulled away again and Tyler looked at me with his cheeky smile and it finally looked just how I remembered it.

“What?” I asked smiling back at him.

“Can we have breakfast now hunny I am so hungry?”

I laughed taking a hold of him hand and standing up to head back down to the kitchen.

So sorry!!

Hey everyone, just wanted to say so sorry that I have not updated in so long. Been so busy getting ready for the baby arriving (baby is a little boy which we are very excited about - if you want to see the scan pictures feel free to add me on Facebook!) and our flat is for sale so that has been taking up a lot of time. Hoping it will be sold any day now and we will be able to put in an offer for a lovely house that we have seen.

Work has also been so busy and I have therefore been so tired all the time.

So please be patient for a little while longer and I promise to get a chapter posted soon.

Hope you are all well and enjoying watching the Pens, the games are always on in the middle of the night here because there is such a big time difference and there is only ever a couple of games from each team on a month but I am trying to watch as many games as I can.

Take care everyone and talk to you soon xxxx

Chapter 32

Tyler appeared about half an hour after I got home letting himself in and heading straight to the kitchen with the food.

“I opted for Italian, is that ok? I went to that place that we love so much.”

I looked at him dishing out the food and getting drinks from the fridge carrying on as if everything was ok, I allowed it to pass for the moment and sat down to eat.

‘I love this guy so much, do I really want to take the chance and let him back into my life? On the other hand do I really want to let him go and risk losing him forever?’

I sat staring at him as he ate his pasta and he looked up at me when he noticed giving me that infectious smile I had missed so much.

“What?” He asks with a mouth full of food.

“Nothing” I answer trying so hard not to smile back at him.

We wash up the little amount of dishes that we have used and then head to the living room.

“Why did you not open the envelope I left you?” He asks as he picks it up.

“I couldn’t bring myself to see what was in it.”

He put it in his jacket pocket and then threw his jacket over the arm of the sofa.

“Maybe I will give you it back again if we can ever get through this.”

I sat down at the piano knowing that if I sat playing we would not have to talk, I didn’t know what else to say and I didn’t know where I want to go from here. I keep hearing Mario’s words over and over again.

‘What do I do now? Do I follow my heart as Mario suggested?’

“Can you sing something please Gill?” He asks looking hopeful after we had been sitting for a while.

“I miss hearing you sing, the last memory I have of hearing you sing is the night that I left.”

“What would you like to hear?” I answer, too tired to disagree.

“Anything will do.”

I think about it for a few moments trying to find something with a lot of meaning, something that might start to explain how I am feeling because I just can’t seem to find the right words to express it.

I eventually chose ‘What Do I Do With My Heart’ by The Eagles and the lyrics are as follows:

You don't have to say a word
I can see it in your eyes
I know what you want to say
It's so hard to say goodbye

I can hold back my tears
And try to be strong
While our love is falling apart
I know what I'll say
If you walk away
But what do I do
What do I do with my heart?

I'm not gonna say a word
I know I can't change your mind
You know where you need to go
I know I'll be left behind

I won't hold you back
I won't stand in your way
If you need to make a new start
But I still want to know
When my arms let you go
What do I do
What do I do with my heart?

Oh, girl, don't you remember?
It was not so long ago
We were making plans for two
Just me and you
Now you tell me that you've found somebody
Someone who loves you better
No one could ever love you
The way I do

Tell me you're not leaving now
Tell me you're not leaving
Tell me that you're gonna stay
Please say you'll stay with me, baby
Tell me that you love me still
Say you love me still
For this and this alone I pray
Fall down on my knees and pray

I'll do anything
Yes, I would
To save what we have
To keep you by my side
I'll love you 'til death do us part
But what do I do
What do I do
When I'm still missing you?
What do I do
What do I do with my heart?

I closed the piano lid and sat there with my eyes closed, tears beginning to fall again. After a moment I felt Tylers arms wrap around my shoulders, I took a deep breath taking in that familiar scent that I had missed so much and decided not to push him away.

“I am so so sorry Gill, please let me try to mend your broken heart.” His voice was barely above a whisper and I could tell he too was crying again.

“I am tired Tyler, lets go to bed.” I answered as I got up from the piano stool and turned to look at him, his face confused. “Stay with me tonight, I can’t promise how I will feel in the morning but I want you to hold me. I don’t think I have had a proper night sleep since I was last in your arms.”

I got ready for bed deciding to wear cosy pyjamas with little polar bears all over them and Tyler stripped down to his boxer shorts. We climbed into bed and quickly fell fast asleep without saying anything further to each other.

Chapter 31

Sorry again about the wait for the chapter. I am still recovering from the flu but I am on the mend. I never figured out how to post the picture of my scan onto blogger. If you wants to see it let me know and I will see what I can figure out.

Anyway, the wait is over. Enjoy folks and thanks again for the comments and support.

...

I looked up when I heard the door open to see Tyler come in. I didn’t have the energy to tell him to go away. He said something to someone outside the room but I didn’t hear what it was and then he came over after closing the door and put his hand on my shoulder. Instinctively I pulled away from his touch.

“Don’t touch me Tyler” I growled back at him, my voice hoarse from crying, I moved further along the wall so he decided to sit down a couple of metres away from me.

“I miss you Gill.” He said softly breaking the icy silence.

I eventually turn my head to look at him, tears still flowing from my eyes.

“What do you want me to say Tyler? You broke my heart and I can’t stop feeling the pain, it just won’t go away and I want to hate you for it.” My voice was soft and calm, my mind racing a million miles an hour.

“I am sorry Gill for making you feel the way you do, if it is any conciliation I am hurting as well.” His eyes were finally full of emotion, I could see the pain, the love, and the want, so many mixed emotions that I knew he wanted to put into words.

I let out a little laugh. “You brought this on yourself Tyler, you finished with me remember and as far as I am aware I never did anything to initiate it.” I stood up and starting pacing the room. I had so many emotions running through me, I wanted to shout and scream at him, I wanted to hate him but most of all I wanted to hold him close to me and feel his strong arms around me again, to that feel safe secure feeling that always came over me when I was in his company.

“I know this is all my fault Gill, I take full responsibility for this but I want you to know how sorry I am and I want to make things right, I want you to love me again and trust me enough to let me back in your life. I want you back and I will do everything I can to make that happen.” His voice was pleading, evidently full of pain.

“Do you think I don’t love you any more?” I snapped at him, my voice getting louder. “I have never stopped loving you and have never stopped thinking about you. I miss you like crazy and I want nothing more than to hold you and tell you that everything is ok, that we can try again but it is not that easy. I can’t just forget the pain you have caused me. I can’t forgive you for it.”

I sat down on one of the large window sills looking out at the night, darkness was beginning to fall and people were starting to go home from work, the car parks busy with people desperate to get away from their working life.

“You know the one thing I hate about living in the city Tyler? I hate not being able to see the stars. I grew up in a little town on the coast and I was always going down to the beach and watching the stars. I would sit there for hours lost in my own world. It was always the one place that I could go that would allow me to forget my problems. I don’t know if you have ever been out to my out house at the bottom of my garden?” I turned to look at him and he shook his head no. His eyes are red from crying and his curly hair wild from running his hands through it.

“Well it has a glass roof so that I can relax and watch the stars, I make sure that there are no outside lights on so that you get a good view. I have only ever once seen a shooting star and I was amazed, hopefully one day my wish will come true. Do you like the stars Tyler?” I looked back at him again.

“Yeah, but I have never really seen them properly, I have always lived in the city.

“I love the snow though. It makes me feel like a child again.” His eyes were beginning to look hopefully that maybe this conversation meant that we had made a break through.

“Maybe I can show you the stars sometime.

“I too like the snow, it is beautiful to watch, very relaxing.”

We sat in silence again for what felt like an eternity but was only a few moments when there was a faint knock at the door.

“Come in” I said loudly as I turned to the door. It was Ray and Mario.

“Sorry kids” Mario started “but they are about to lock up the arena.” He always called us all kids just like Don Cherry does on Hockey Night in Canada. I sometimes think he actually does think of us all as his children. He would do anything for each and every one of us especially Sid.

“Ok, just give me 5 minutes to gather my things together, sorry if we have been disruptive.” I answered.

“Don’t worry as long as everything is ok. Let me give you a hand down to your car with your bags.” Mario continued.

The 3 guys grabbed a couple of bags each and I locked up the room behind us and followed them down to my car. Mario slowed down and started walking next to me.

“Are you ok Gill?” He asked quietly so that Tyler did not hear but loud enough for me to hold a conversation with him.

“Yeah, I am alright thanks Mario.” I answer giving him a small pat on the back so that he knows I appreciate his concern.

“I am just going to say one thing to you,” he says in his soft fatherly tone as he stops to look at me. “Follow your heart and do what is going to make you happy in the long run, don’t worry about what anyone else has to say just do what is best for you and if that means getting back together with Tyler and trusting him then that is what you need to do. Live for today as you never know what tomorrow will bring.”

I leaned in and gave him a small hug.

“Thanks Mario.”

We said nothing further until we reached the car. I unlocked it allowing the guys to put my stuff in the back.

“Thanks guys, see you all soon.”

Ray and Mario walked off leaving Tyler and I alone again.

“Can we talk some more Gill please, maybe at your house?” He asks avoiding eye contact with me.

“I don’t know, I don’t think I can take any more arguing.”

He looks up at me, his eyes saying so much as I spend a few moments just staring back at him.

“Ok, you can come up for a while but I am still not making any promises. Can you go past the take away on your way, I can’t be bothered cooking.”

I turned away without waiting for an answer and got in my car and began to drive home unsure of what to expect of the night ahead of me.

So very sorry.

So sorry that I have been rubbish with the updates, I have not been keeping very well so I have spent so much time sleeping, want to make sure I don't harm the baby. As soon as I am better I will make sure to get a couple of up dates posted.

So sorry guys and thanks for your patience.

Take care xx

Chapter 30

(TKs Prov)
As I stand under the hot water of the shower I think about the couple of hours that have just passed. Feeling Gill touch my skin again, seeing her look in my eyes has just enhanced the pain that has never really gone away since the minute I left her house. The pain I have felt in my heart has been excruciating, much worse than I could have ever imagined and the look in her eyes has enhanced the pain making it worse, she looked at me with hatred, with anger and I am not sure that their was any love there any more.

“Oi TK! Are you going to stand under that shower all day?” I hear Flower shout at me from the locker room breaking me from my trance.

“Na, I was just thinking.” I answer blandly switching off the shower and wrapping a towel around my waist, running my hands through my hair to try and keep the unruly curls at bay knowing that I am probably just making them worse and am in need desperate need of a hair cut.

“Will you sit down for a minute Tyler I would like to talk to you?” Flower asks me sounding very serious.

“What is this about?” I ask as I sit down opposite him on one of the benches in the middle of the locker room, he looked into my eyes as if trying to see what was going on in my mind.

“I know you probably won’t want to hear this but please listen to me…

“When you broke up with Gill we thought you must have been doing it for a reason that we did not know but the more I watch you the more I see how unhappy you are. You barely talk to us any more and you never come out with us after a game. Although your game is still good you are just not yourself any more and it worries me.

“Let me tell you a little secret. When I first got called up for the 1st team and started travelling with them Vero and I found it really difficult being apart from one and other. Growing up we were practically inseparable and then suddenly we were going for a week at least without seeing each other but you know what got me through it? The fact that I would see her smiling face when I got back home, that her bright eyes would only see me and her arms would hold me like I was the most important person in the world. I knew that I had that to look forward too and it held me together. She is my world and I would rather deal with the pain of missing her for a week than finishing with her and never feeling her touch again, never seeing her look in my eyes again, maybe never seeing her at all ever again, that thought for me is just to much to handle.

“Gill loves you Tyler and she has been feeling just as bad as you while you have been apart, probably feeling even worse than you do. Vero has not seen her in over a month and is really worried about her. Please at least talk to her and see if you can be civil to each other. We miss you both.

“I saw the way you looked at her at kung fu this afternoon, the emotion was starting to appear in your eyes again and I know that you felt something when you were working with her. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace the feelings and follow your heart.

“You are a very good friend of mine Tyler and I am worried about you. I hope you can find away to sort through this, please come and talk to me if you need someone and don’t shut us all out, I know Kris and Jordan miss you a lot and are very worried about you too.”

With that said he got up and put his hand on my shoulder, gave it a little squeeze and left the room without saying anything further. I sat there for a few moments longer with my head in my hands thinking about what he had said. His relationship with Vero is so strong and it is hard to believe they have ever had troubles, they are so happy together and a complete inspiration.

I eventually decided that I needed to talk to Gill.

I finished drying myself and got changed into jeans and a top instead of my usual training clothes, heading out to my car I noticed Staalzy and some others were still in the gym but instead of stopping and talking to them like I knew I should I headed to my car to drive to Gills.

As I reached my car I noticed hers was still parked next to mine. Hmm, I wonder where she is. I phoned over to her office to see if she had gone in to do some work. I rang her direct dial but got through to Lorna.

“Good afternoon, Robertson Publishing how can I help?” She answers in her usual bubbly voice.

“Hi Lorna its Tyler, is Gill in?”

“No, is she not over with you guys? It is good to hear your voice again Tyler.”

“Thanks Lorna, it is nice to hear yours too. We will have to try and meet up soon. She was here but we finished up about 40 minutes ago but her car is still out front. I will call her on her cell. Thanks Lorna, take care.”

I hung up and called her cell getting straight to voicemail, I left a quick message asking her to call me.

I went back into the Melon and tried the door handle to the training room where we had our kung fu class and it was locked but I swear I could hear something from inside so I headed down to Ray Shero’s office.

“Ray, have you seen Gill this afternoon?” I ask getting more worried by the minute.

“No, not since she finished up the kung fu class, you haven’t gone and upset her again have you?” He asks trying to lighten the mood.

“Not that I am aware of. Do you have the keys for the training room?”

“Gill still has them, she must have forgotten to give me them back.”

“I think she is still here, her car is still outside and she is not in her office, I am really worried Ray. Can you sign out the spare keys for me? I think she may have locked herself in the training room.”

Ray got the spare keys from reception for me and we went up to the training room just as Jordan came out of the gym.

I unlocked to the door to see Gill curled up in a ball rocking back and forward, tears spilling from her eyes.

“Thanks guys, I will take it from here.” I say to them both as I throw the keys at Jordan.

“Gill…” I reach down to her putting my hand on her shoulder.

News.

Hi all.

Just a quick note to say thanks for continuing to read my story I hope you are all still enjoying it. I will get a new chapter posted in a few days. We were on holiday last week and have been pretty busy since we got back, still off work for another week so will get a chapter posted soon,

On another note I have some news, I am 12 weeks pregnant and very very happy about it.

Thanks again for your continued support, I much appreciate all the comments.

Take care all xx

Chapter 29

Days began to pass in a blur and I busied myself in the office. I avoided spending time with anyone. I would speak to Vero, Clair, Lorna and Jordan on the phone occasionally but refused to go anywhere with them or do anything that meant leaving the house other than to go to the office or hold kung fu practice. I would never have anyone round at the house and I became a bit of a hermit.

I stopped going to all the hockey games and kept a strictly professional attitude when conducting the kung fu lessons. They has all passed their first grading and it was soon time for their second one and Ray had said he would organise another instructor to help with the gradings, these had to be supervised by another qualified instructor.

I still felt empty and completely heartbroken, I missed Tyler more than words could explain and I continued to love him more each day. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to hurt him but I couldn’t, when I was honest with myself what I really wanted was to have him back, to hold him in my arms again. Not only did I miss Tyler but I missed the team, in such a short time they had become such good friends and now I have no one.

I had not had a good nights sleep in so long, every night was riddled with nightmares and I woke up in a cold sweat almost every night, I got to the stage that I was to scared to even go to sleep. I would cuddle up with Tylers jumper, letting his scent soothe me until I had no choice but to close my eyes and let sleep take over.

I still had not opened the envelope that Tyler had left the night he finished with me. I couldn’t bring myself to find out what it contained and for once the feeling of curiosity did not over power me.

I tormented myself by watching all of his interviews and such like, it was the only way to know that he was still ok and I could tell that he was not very happy, when he smiled it never reached his eyes and the contagiousness of his smile was missing, I wanted to make it better but he was the cause, he brought it on himself and for all I know that may not even be the reason of his unhappy face.

A month had passed and Tyler and I had still not spoken and soon it was time for him to be my volunteer at kung fu again and I dreaded it.

“Right I believe everyone has had their turn at being my volunteer so we shall start at the beginning and work in the same order as we did the last time so if my memory serves me right then it is your turn Tyler.” I announce as I stand in front of the class, the heart beating ridiculously fast.

I heard a few gasps and could see the look of worry on everyone’s faces but Tyler still just looked with no emotion, his eyes still cold.

We completed our warm up and then carried out our leg stretching. I could feel that when he felt my touch he was shaking. I could feel his body quiver and emotion beginning to appear in his eyes but instead of making me feel better I seemed to get angrier by the minute.

“Ok guys, we are going to do some self defense again today.” I announced to everyone.

I was pretty forceful with Tyler and managed to get him to the floor several times without any effort. I knew my limits and I knew what I could do without hurting him as we had practised kung fu and strengthening exercises when we were still together. I did not want to hurt him I just want to humiliate him, to make him see how much he has hurt me, to make his feel weak in front of his friends. He didn’t really put up much of a fight and I knew that I was getting to him. I got a few concerning glances from the guys but at the moment Tyler was my only focus.

The class was over soon enough and when the last of the team were gone I locked the door, curled up in a ball and broke down in tears, holding my knees to my chest I cried so hard still feeling completely heartbroken and hurt beyond words. I knew that I should have waited until I got home but I was hurting so much, the pain was to much to deal with any more.

‘I know that I have got to him today, I thought it would make me feel better if I hurt him but I think it has made me feel worse. I didn’t think I could possibly feel any worse but the pain is just unbearable.'

Chapter 28

I woke up feeling completely empty and sick to the bone but I got up and changed into my running gear, putting on my MP3 player I left the house for my usual morning run.

When I got back to the house Jordan was walking down the stairs.

“Morning Gill, how are you feeling?” He asked sleepily looking like he has only had about an hours sleep. He walked towards me only wearing boxer shorts and socks giving me a kiss on my forehead before heading past me to the kitchen.

“To be honest I feel numb, completely empty and sick to the bone all at the same time but I have to get on with my normal routine or I will drive myself insane. How are you? Would you like to join me for a swim?” I ask following him into the kitchen placing my water bottle and my IPod down on the kitchen counter.

Jordan helps himself to fruit juice and starts to boil the kettle as if he was at home.

“I am fine thanks other than having very cold feet, I love your house but you really need to consider getting carpets, I hate having cold feet, it is the one thing in this world that frustrates me.

“Have you not just been for a run? I suppose I could join you in the pool.”

“I don’t need carpets, I have under floor heating so if your feet are cold switch that on and you spend most of your time on ice so I thought your feet would be immune to the cold. I have just been for a 5 mile run and now I will swim 100 lengths. I am just going for a quick shower so I will meet you in the pool.”

I swam my 100 lengths and Jordan stopped at about 70.

“Jesus Gill, I can’t believe you are so damn fit, I don’t think TK was joking when he said that you were fitter than us all put together.”

I felt my eyes stinging again as I heard his name knowing that I will have to stop that if I am to hold a kung fu lesson this afternoon. I am dreading it, I don’t know how I am going to get through the 2 hours.

“I am so sorry Gill, it has become habit so quickly to associate you with Tyler. I wish I could take your pain away.”

We left the pool fairly quickly and Jordan very kindly made pancakes for breakfast and shortly later I managed to convince him to go home.

“I promise I will be ok on my own, I won’t do anything stupid and I will see you at kung fu this afternoon.”

I sent Lorna a text to let her know what has happened.

‘Hey Lor, don’t say anything to anyone but Tyler has broken up with me, I am completely broken hearted. I will see you tomorrow.’

I got a reply when she was on her lunch.

‘I am so sorry Gill, if you want me to do anything please call me, day or night I am here for you.’

The rest of the day the passed fairly quickly as I busied myself with work that I had taken home and before I knew it, it was time to leave for the arena.

I busied myself in the training room when I heard all the boys coming along. I swallowed hard and forced away the tears that were forming determined not to show emotion when everyone was here.

“Right guys, who is going to be my volunteer this week?”

Most of the guys raised there hands so I decided to choose Jordan, I knew that I could be comfortable with him and that he knew about Tyler and I, I was very unsure if anyone else knew. I made a mental note to try and keep the news out of the press, I can’t handle the jibes and such like that were inevitable.

The class went well but when I was giving my instructions for the next lesson I accidentally made eye contact with Tyler, his look was so cold, how could he have no feelings left for me, how could he act like nothing has happened? I suddenly had flash back to when the girls were round and I sang Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, that song is so fitting for this moment.

Chapter 27

I heard my phone ring over and over again but I just couldn’t bring myself to answer it. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and definitely did not want to see anyone.

I don’t know how long I had been sitting on the cold marble floor crying for when I heard the front door open. I jumped up from the floor getting such a fright at hearing someone in my house and opened the living room door to see Jordan walking towards me.

I just stood there staring at him, tears still flowing constantly from my eyes, I felt like a completely helpless child unable to move.

“Oh Gill what has he done?” Jordan reaches me and pulls me into him and as he does I once again break down, my whole body shaking as I feel my heart breaking further. He guided me back through to the living room and sat me down on one of the sofas letting me cry into his chest for as long as I needed him. His body was warm and it felt strange after sitting on the cold floor for so long.

“What has happened Gill? I just got a text from TK not long after I got home saying that he thought I should come round because you may need a friend at the moment. Talk to me, please. Why is he not here comforting you?”

I eventually sat up and looked at him, tears still flowing freely from my eyes.

‘I must look awful.’

Eventually I managed to find my voice after unsuccessfully trying to explain things a few times previously.

“He finished with me Jordan and I don’t know why. He told me he loves me and missed me when he was away but it is too hard and he thinks it is the right thing to do. I don’t understand Jordan, I know we have only been together a couple of weeks and I never expected to fall in love with him especially this quickly but he has broken my heart, I feel empty and sick, it is such a horrible feeling and I feel so stupid being this torn apart over the relationship since it was all still so new.”

I broke down again, unable to contain my emotions. Jordan pulled me close to him again, holding me against his strong body, I took a deep breathe taking in his scent.

‘He is going to make someone very happy when he finds the right woman. He has become like a little brother to me even though I have not known him for long, I feel like we have a connection.’

“I don’t understand either Gill. All he talked about when we were away was you and how he couldn’t wait to see you again. He does love you please believe me when I say that and I will do everything I can to make this better.”

“Thanks Jordan, you are so good to me. I am so sorry for dragging you out when you just got home, you must have so many places you would rather be.”

“Don’t be silly, we are friends Gill and as you told me not so long ago I am here for you any time you want and my shoulders are stronger than yours so I can carry more tears.” He answers trying to make me laugh.

I lay on the sofa with my head on Jordans lap for what felt like hours, he stroked my hair while I stared into space, eventually the tears drying up. ‘I feel so empty and alone, I cant believe I was so foolish to fall in love with Tyler so quickly but he made me so happy and I want nothing more than for him to walk in here and tell me that he was joking and that he takes it all back...! Stop being an idiot Gill, if he is going to treat you like that then he does not deserve you. I wish I could hate him but I can’t.’

“Gill sweetie, come on, lets get you up to bed. If you don’t mind I am going to sleep in your guest bedroom tonight just in case you need me.” Jordan didn’t bother to let me answer he just picked me up in his arms bridal style and carried me to my bedroom laying me gently on the bed.

“Goodnight Gill, try and get some sleep.”

I curled up under the covers without even changing my clothes and much to my surprise I fell fast asleep.

Chapter 26

Thanks for all your comments, just a short chapter and I will try and post in a few days time.

(TKs prov)

‘After I closed the door to Gills house I sat down on the doorstep, hot tears ran down my face and I heard her start to play the piano, she sang a song that I did not know and the lyrics made me feel like such an idiot. She has such a beautiful singing voice – she is like an angel. Before I met Gill I never really paid any attention to the words of a song but she does, she really listens to them and remembers songs that have a lot of meaning and she has got me doing the same thing.

Maybe I am being selfish finishing with her but it hurt so much being away from her and I missed her more than I could ever explain, it is better to do it now rather than having her hate me in the long run for never being there for her.

Once she finished the song I heard her sobbing, in fact she was doing more than sobbing, she was crying uncontrollably and I wanted to go back in and tell her it was ok but I cant, I need to walk away.

I will text Jordan and see if he will go round and make sure she is ok, I know I can trust him with her, they have built up a good friendship over the last couple of months.

I got up and sat in my car, the hot tears still rolling down my face, burning my cheeks before they fall to my lips leaving the taste of salt lingering – am I really making the right choice?

As drove home I just felt empty, like everything good in my life was gone and it was my fault entirely. I don’t want to live my life without Gill, god I was even thinking about the day we get married and have children but the way I felt in Sweden was horrible, I cant even describe the feeling properly but I know I never want to feel it again and I never want Gill to feel it either. I know that if their were children I would feel even worse. It has to be this way, this is for the best.

Who am I trying to convince, I am such an idiot. I have just thrown away the best thing that has ever happened to me and I have no way of getting it back...’

Chapter 25

The pens won there first game against the Sens with Tyler scoring the first goal of the season.

The next few days passed in a blur and it was soon time for Tyler to come home, I was so relieved as I had spent the last few days missing him like crazy and counting down the hours until he came home.

I heard the door open and I almost ran to him, pulling him into my arms and holding him tight but he just didn’t seem himself, he was distant almost, he barely even hugged me back before he let go.

“Is everything ok Tyler?”

“Fine” I got his one word answer then he walked off without kissing me or saying anything further.

‘I am really worried, I have such a bad feeling.’

I sat down in the living room and picked up my book again unable to concentrate enough to read any of the words on the page when eventually Tyler came and joined me but instead of sitting curled up to me like normal he sat at the opposite end of the room.

“Gill we need to talk.” He stated as he looked at anything but me as he fingers started picking apart the cushion that he had picked up so I knew straight away that he was nervous.

“You are worrying me Tyler, I don’t like this.” I wanted to get up and sit beside him but I couldn’t seem to find the strength to move.

“I think we should break up…”

I was completely stunned, I couldn’t bring myself to comprehend what he had said to me. My eyes were stinging as I tried to hold back the tears, I felt physically sick.

“I missed you so much when we were away. I love you so much more than I ever bargained for, more than I ever knew was possible but it is just too hard Gill. I can’t feel the way I did in Sweden every time I go away. It hurts too much to be away from you so I think it is best just to end things now before it gets harder.”

“You are making no sense Tyler.”

“Gill just stop it” he interrupts before I get a chance to say anything further, his voice hard and cold. “I can’t do this to you, it is easier this way. I have to go I will get my things another time.”

As he left the room he placed an envelope down on the coffee table then left the house without saying anything further.

‘I can’t believe he has done this to me.’

I went to my piano and without thinking of a song my fingers immediately started playing ‘Unbreak My Heart’ by Toni Braxton. The lyrics are as follows:

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Come back and bring back my smile
Come and take these tears away
I need your arms to hold me now
The nights are so unkind
Bring back those nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart

Take back that sad word good-bye
Bring back the joy to my life
Don't leave me here with these tears
Come and kiss that pain away
I can't forget the day you left
Time is so unkind
And life is so cruel without you here beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry these tears
I cried so many nights
Un-break my heart
My heart

Don't leave me in all this pain
Don't leave me out in the rain
Bring back the nights when I held you beside me

Un-break my heart
Say you'll love me again
Undo this hurt you caused
When you walked out the door
And walked out of my life
Un-cry that tears
I cried so many, many nights
Un-break my

Un-break my heart
Come back and say you love me
Un-break my heart
Sweet darlin'
Without you I just can't go on
Can't go on....

I broke down in tears just as I finished the song, I cried for hours feeling my heart breaking further each second. I sat on the floor leaning against the wall feeling cold and so alone...

Chapter 24

The next morning Vero, Clair and I went for breakfast and then headed out shopping. The day past so quickly with us all spending far too much money.

“Right girls we have somewhere to be, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” They ask in unison.

“It is a surprise.” Thankfully they never asked any more questions.

We soon arrive at the beauty parlour that I picked out.

“They are going to do our hair, make-up and nails.”

“Wow, Gill you are amazing. Thank you.”

We all got dolled up and couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel to put our lovely dresses on that we had bought today.

Just as I got back to my hotel room my mobile phone started ringing and once again I was happy to see that it was Tyler.

“Hey Gorgeous”

“Hey hunny”

We chatted for an hour or so about what we had been doing for the day and we wished each other luck for tonight. Tyler’s good luck is for the friendly game that has been organised and mine for possibly winning the publishers award and for presenting two awards to my favourite authors James Patterson and Patricia Cornwell.

“Right gorgeous, I need to go and put my lovely dress on before the girls get here. Love you lots and will talk to you tomorrow.”

“Remember to send a picture of you all. Love you too hunny. Bye.”

I put on my dress and I looked at myself in the mirror.

‘I wish Tyler was here to see me’.

The dress that we chose for me was mid-calf length, fitted in all the right areas and floated out at the bottom. It was silver silk, my shawl was also made from silver silk with diamanté's scattered on it and it shimmered pink, my shoes and bag were just simple and they were a darker shade of silver.

Knock, knock.

The knock at the door signalled that Clair and Vero were here.

I opened up and immediately smiled at them. “You both look wonderful, come in. TK has requested that we take a photo and send it over to them.”

“You too look stunning Gill. I bet Tyler wishes he was here with you.”

I looked at them with almost sad eyes. “I wish he was here too, I miss him so much more than I could have imagined but I know that it is something I have to get used too.”

“You will get used to it, it took us time to adjust too but we are all going through the same thing so we just need to support each other and be there for one and other.”

We took a few pictures of us on my camera, one of us all individually and a couple of group photos. I linked my camera up to my laptop and emailed them to Tyler then text him to tell him to check his email. Within minutes all of our phones were ringing.

“Hey Tyler, I take it you got the photos?”

“You girls look amazing. Looking at you makes me miss you so much more.”

“Thanks Tyler, I miss you too and I can’t wait to see you on Sunday. I have taken Monday off so that I can spend some time with you.”

“Great stuff, I can’t wait. I will let you go and have a great night tonight. Love you.”

“You have a good night too, take care.”

We finished up our calls and then headed out to the awards. My company won best publisher of 2008 which I was over the moon about and I got on really well presenting the awards to James Patterson and Patricia Cornwell. I was so pleased that they were indeed lovely people and they both gave me signed limited edition books for my collection.

We all had such a good night and got back to the hotel at about 0200 so we crashed out immediately.

The next day we went home about midday and we all promised each other we would go away together again soon.

Chapter 23

The next morning I completed my usual routine of running and swimming followed by eating some fruit for breakfast and then heading into the office.

I had my normal meeting with Lorna before doing an hours work and soon it was time for Vero and Clair to arrive.

“Hey girlies how are you both?” I ask as they enter my office and I give each of them a hug.

We chatted for a while when Clair asked if she could see the library like I promised.

“Of course you can, just follow me.”

We got the lift down to the basement and I tell Clair to go in first.

“Wow, now this is my idea of heaven, I love it.”

The only way I can think of describing my library is it is very much like the one that the beast presents to Belle in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast with the high roofs and rows upon rows of books.

“Have you ever written a book Gill?” Clair asks as she looks about her in awe.

“Why would you ask such a strange question? Have you ever written a book Clair?” I reply as I smile at her.

“No but I would love too, however I would have no idea where to start. You have studied English and Publishing so I thought maybe you have tried your hand at writing your own book.”

“I have actually written a few books but I have never had any of them published although I did get a couple of them printed. This is my first attempt at writing, it started off as a fanfic about the Penguins, I wrote it when I was still in Scotland but before I put it to print I changed a few names so that it was less obvious who the characters were.” I took a copy from the shelf and handed it to her.

“It is called American Dream, let me know what you think of it.”

“Thank you so much.

“Why is this section behind glass with locked access?”

“Because it is all First-Editions, signed books or rare copies, all books with a high value that nobody gets to touch. I have never read those copies and never plan too I will just leave them there to gain value.”

We talked for a while longer before heading to the airport to catch our flight. When we arrived at the airport I walked off in a different direction to the other two.

“Hey Gill, you are going the wrong way, the gate is this way.” Vero shouted back at me.

“No, you are going the wrong way, come this way please.” I answered mischievously giving them a cheeky smile.

We approached the private check-in desk when I was greeted by a lady from the airport staff.

“Good afternoon Miss Robertson, your plane is waiting for you and we have all your requirements ready. Your pilot today is Captain Smith and your staff are Zoe and Matt. Do you have you and your friend’s passports?”

I handed my passports over and turned to Clair and Vero who had stunned expressions on their faces, their eyes wide and their mouths open.

“Do you have your passports girls?” I asked as I clicked my fingers in front of their faces breaking them from their trance.

“Yeah sorry” They both answer at the same time.

We complete our check-in and are escorted to my plane. The staff ask us to get seated and fasten our seatbelts and they would bring us refreshments after take off is complete.

“So Gill, why did you not tell us that you had your own plane?” Vero smiles at me.

“I wanted it to be a surprise. I am forever going on business trips and I got to the point that I was so annoyed with the service I was getting that I eventually bought my own plane. I let local schools and guiding associations and the likes use it too and I have also said to Ray to mention to the travel desk that they can use it if they want too. We are all actually heading to Detroit at the same time. I just accidently on purpose forgot to tell Tyler and the guys that they are going on my plane with me.”

After the smooth take off was over the flight staff came out with some food for us and a bottle a wine. We chatted for a while and before we knew it we had arrived in New York.

After we left the airport we got a taxi to the hotel.

“I have a couple of hours work I need to do ladies so how about you come up to my room in about 3 hours and we can head out somewhere to get some food and some more wine?” I asked as we waited to get checked in.

“Sounds good, we shall see you soon.”

Once I reached my room I went for a hot shower allowing myself to spend a bit longer under the water. I love the feeling of steaming hot water running down my skin.

‘I wish Tyler was here with me right now, I miss him already.’

I switched off the shower shortly after and heard my mobile phone ringing as I left the bathroom. I looked at the caller display and smiled to myself when I seen that it was Tyler calling.

“Hey Gorgeous, how are you?” I ask sounding excited to hear his voice.

“Hey hunny I am good thanks how are you?” He answers sounding tired.

“I am good thanks, we arrived in New York about an hour or so ago. You sound tired, I hope jetlag is not going to bother you to much.”

“I hope not, I slept most of the flight so I should be ok. We have just checked into the hotel and it looks nice, I am sharing with Jordan so that is cool. We are just going to nap for a bit then go out and explore. We have a skate tonight then training tomorrow morning before the scavenger hunt and then a friendly game against a local team at night.”

“Sounds like you have a busy time ahead of you, just remember to have fun. I just have a couple of hours work to do and then we are going out for food and will take it from there. Tomorrow we are going shopping and then I have a surprise for the girls, we are all getting our hair and make up done before we head down to the awards ceremony.”

“I hope you have fun too hunny, I am missing you so much already, I will bring you back something nice, something to remind you of Europe.”

“There is no need for that. I miss you too but I am sure the week will pass quickly.”

We chatted for about 30 minutes longer.

“As much as I hate doing this gorgeous I really need to get some work done before the girls come down to the room. Call me again soon, I love you lots.”

“I love you too hunny, bye.”

I spent the next while doing work and got really carried away because I was still in my dressing gown when Vero and Clair knocked on the door.

“Hey sorry girls, come in. I won’t be long. TK phoned and then I must have got so engrossed in my work because time just ran away with me.”

“That’s ok don’t worry. Why don’t you dry your hair and we will look out something for you to wear? How is TK? Marc said they had a good flight and they have a lot planned for the next few days.”

“Thanks. TK said much the same.”

I blow dried my hair and then quickly straightened it, I am lucky enough to have straight hair anyway but if I use the straighteners it shows of the layers slightly better. I got changed into the outfit that the girls had chosen for me so I ended up wearing skinny black jeans, brown knee high stiletto boots and a light brown v-neck fitted jumper with my brown suede cowboy style jacket.

We went out to a lovely restaurant and had the most delicious meal of course accompanied by some wine.

“I started reading your book Gill when you were working this afternoon, I am guessing the female lead is based on you and I think the male is Sid. It is really good and I can’t wait to read more, I want to know if they will eventually get together.”

“I am saying nothing. Once you have finished it I will email you the link to the original fanfic that it was based on because I published it on the internet a while back.”

“Cool.”

We stayed out for a few more drinks before heading back to the hotel. We agreed our time to meet and then all went our separate ways.

I lay in bed reading for a while when I heard my phone beep signalling a new text.

‘Hey hunny, miss you lots but having so much fun. Love you and will talk to you tomorrow.’

‘I am glad you are having fun Tyler. I miss you too, more than words can explain. Love you lots too. Take care xx’

At that I put my book down, switched off my light and quickly fell fast asleep.

Chapter 22

After arriving home I went for a swim until Tyler arrived home but I must have got carried away because I was still in the pool when he came in.

He took his shoes off and pulled his trouser legs up so that he can dangle his feet into the water. I finished my length then swim over to him where I massaged his feet.

“Did you sort things out with Sid?” He asks me as he strokes my wet hair.

“Yeah we made a lot of progress and I think we can be friends, I just hope that he never lays a finger on Lorna in a violent manner but I have agreed not to tell her about what happened, I hope I am doing the right thing.”

I eventually climbed out of the pool and made a meal for us both.

“I cant believe how things have worked out between us Gill, I am so happy when I am with you and you have done a lot for my game too, I feel more comfortable on the ice because I know that you are watching me.”

“I am happy too and I am glad that you feel I am helping your game.”

We went to bed relatively earlier than usual since TK was to be at the Mellon early and we quickly fell asleep in each others arms.

I woke up when my alarm beeped and decided to take a day off from my normal routine so that I could spend some more time with TK before he left.

We had breakfast and then I drove Tyler down to the Mellon.

“Well Gill, the time has come for me to leave you for a while. I will phone you when we get there and then everyday thereafter, I will be thinking of you all the time and will never stop missing you.”

I sat holding his hands as our eyes never left one and others.

“The week will pass so quickly that you will be back before you know it. I will miss you too and will look forward to talking to you on the phone. I will also watch your games against the Sens. Good luck gorgeous and have fun.”

We leaned in and kissed each other deeply, neither of us wanting to pull away even though we knew we had too. We eventually pulled away looking at each other in the eyes once again before TK left the car without saying anything further.

I spent the rest of the day in the office trying to get as much done as possible since I was leaving for New York the next day. I still left early to go home at about 1630 and took Lorna with me.

“Can you come up to my room please, I need to pack for going away to New York and you are so much more fashionable than me so you can keep me right, I don’t want to feel out of place when I am with Vero and Clair.” I said to Lorna after we finished up our dinner.

“Gill, what on earth have you done to your wrist?” Lorna asks as I reach up to get my suitcase.

“Oh its nothing, I tripped when I was out running the other morning.” She took a hold of my arm as I tried to move away.

“You did not do this by falling over, that is clearly a hand print.

“I hate asking this but is Tyler hurting you?” She looks so sad and worried as she stares at me. ‘I can’t tell her that it is her boyfriend that is violent and not mine.’

“Tyler would never hurt me, it bruised when I fell during my run the other morning.”

I could tell that she didn’t believe me but we both changed the subject.

We soon picked out some clothes for me and spoke some more about work as well as Tyler and Sid and many other things.

Lorna left a while later and I headed to bed with a book and a hot chocolate knowing that I would not hear from TK until tomorrow as they are on a long haul flight and they will lose time. ‘I hope they don’t get affected with jetlag too badly.’

Chapter 21

I get up the next morning and follow my usual routine, as I am swimming I feel my wrist begin to hurt and when I look at it I find it badly bruised. I decide to talk to Tyler about my run in with Sidney and see what he suggests I do.

After my shower I head down to the kitchen to find TK and Jordan already there cooking a fry up.

“Morning boys, sleep well?” I ask as I give Tyler a full kiss on the lips then give Jordan a peck on the cheek causing him to blush.

We sat and ate breakfast and talked for a while before Jordan decided to go home before afternoon skate and kung fu practice.

“Are you sure you will be ok Jordan?” I ask as I stand in front of him, looking into his bright blue eyes, concern evident in my voice.

“Yeah, I will be fine Gill, I don’t know what caused me to get so emotional last night. Thanks for everything.”

We said our goodbyes and he left moments later.

“TK, can we talk for a moment?” I ask as I return to this kitchen.

“Yeah of course, is everything ok?”

“Will you promise to keep your temper at bay?”

“You are worrying me Gill, what is wrong?”

“Promise me Tyler please.”

“Ok ok I promise.”

I pulled up my sleeve to reveal the bruise on my wrist and I proceeded to tell him about my run in with Sidney.

“I cannot believe that guy, who does he think he is? I will kill him when I see him this afternoon…!!” Tylers voice is raised and his face is red as he gets up from the table clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Tyler I made you promise for a reason, I can handle him myself but I want your advice on what to do next. Will you please sit down.”

Tyler eventually calmed down and we sat talking about various options before it was time for him to leave for afternoon skate.

“I will go home after kung fu and get my stuff for the trip and then come back here.”

We say our goodbyes and then I call Vero to see if she can recommend anything for the Sidney situation and we decide that it would be best for me to talk to him again before I mention anything to Lorna.

“Thanks for your help Vero. I shall see you on Tuesday for our trip to New York. Take care.”

“Anytime Gill, I am glad you feel you can talk to me. See you Tuesday I am really looking forward to it.”

I spent the rest of the afternoon doing some housework before it was time to head to the arena for kung fu.

The class went well with Marc-Andre being my volunteer and everyone putting a lot of effort into learning. It was clear that most of the guys had been practicing as I asked.

“Well done guys, you all done well. If you keep this up for the next week or so I think you will all be ready for your first grading. I have been in touch with a local kung fu instructor and he is happy to come along for the grading.

“Have a great time in Sweden and I will get you all up to the house again when you come back.

“Take care.”

I turned to walk away when I asked:

“Sidney, will you stay back a moment please I need to talk to you.”

The guys all left and Sidney sat himself down on one of the large window sills so I went and joined him.

“Did you have a good night last night Sidney?” I asked as I sat watching him staring out the window.

Finally he turned to look at me.

“I don’t really remember much about it, I was pretty drunk. Why do you ask?”

I pulled my sleeve up and rested my arm on his leg.

“Do you remember doing this to me?” His eyes widened and he had a genuine look of shock on his face.

“No, why on earth would I do that to you?” He takes a hold of my arm and gently rubs the bruise as he looks me in the eye searching for an answer.

“I asked you not to hurt Lorna and you lost your temper with me.”

“I am so sorry Gill I do not remember this at all. Please tell me what I can do to make things better.”

“You can start by promising me that you won’t hurt Lorna, she is like family Sidney and I can’t face anything happening to her.”

“I am falling in love with Lorna and I don’t plan on hurting her, I know I don’t show my emotions very well, I have never been good at explaining how I feel to people but I really like Lorna and want to be with her.”

“Are you sure you won’t hurt her if she says something that you don’t like the next time you are drunk?”

“I won’t hurt her Gill.”

We sat talking for a while and my feelings for him softened, I still didn’t trust him fully but I was beginning to come round and he assured me that he would never be violent with Lorna. I really hope I am doing the right thing with trusting him.

Chapter 20

We arrived at Mario’s house a short while later and were greeted immediately by Mario and Nathalie, they are such a great couple to spend time with. I had been in their company many times before at sponsorship lunches and such like.

We gradually made our way to the kitchen where we knew we would find the rest of the team. We spoke to many people on the way through, most of them I had no idea who they were.

“Hi Gill, Hi TK” Jordan shouts as he gets up to give me a hug, I feel his strong arms wrap around me and I wonder why such a nice guy is single.

“Hey Jordan how are you?” I ask as I hug him back.

As the party continues the guys become quite tipsy, allowing themselves to let their hair down as the party is closed to press and public and they don’t have a game until Thursday.

I end up sitting with Sidney at one point so I take the opportunity to do a bit of fishing and see if he is trustworthy.

“So Sidney, you and Lorna seem to be getting along well.” I say to him as I search his face for some emotion.

“Yeah, she is a great girl, I really like her and enjoy her company.” His face is cold and expressionless as he talks to me.

“I am going to cut to the chase here Sidney. Lorna is like family and I will not have you hurt her, I don’t trust you and am not sure that I like you. Please prove to me that I am wrong Sidney and treat Lorna well.”

I turn to get up so that I could find TK or Vero but I feel Sidney grab my wrist and pull me back down.

“Who gives you the right to tell me what I can and can’t do?” He continues to grab my wrist and look me in the eye.

“I am not for one minute trying to tell you what to do, I am just warning you that you will be sorry if you hurt Lorna. Please prove me wrong and treat her well.” I again turned away from him as he gripped my wrist tighter.

“What happened to the good boy image you have for the press, I really didn’t realise you were quite so fake.”

I turned to see TK and Lorna approaching with drinks for us all and when Sidney noticed them he quickly let go of me and starting laughing as if we had been having a good time so not to initiate any questions.

The remainder of the night went well and without any further dramatics. The boys were all pretty drunk so Vero asked if I could take her and Marc-Andre home. Of course I agreed as it was not out of my way.

“Let me just talk to Jordan before we leave Tyler, he looks upset.” I kissed Tyler then walked over to Jordan.

“Hey lovely, what is wrong? You look really sad.”

“Hello Gill” He says as he pulls me down to sit on his knee. “I am sad. I look around me and see you and Tyler happy, Flower and Vero, Clair and Petr, the list goes on and I have no one. I hate hearing everyone saying that they are going home to their girlfriends and wives and I am going home to an empty house. I hate to say this but I am jealous. I don’t want to be like Max and some of the others and just have whatever girl takes my fancy. I want someone to love me.” A single tear falls down his face, his sad eyes shining like bright blue crystals and it breaks my heart watching him as he holds me tightly.

“I am so sorry Gill I shouldn’t be pouring my heart out to you.”

“You have nothing to say sorry for I am your friend so you can talk to me anytime.

“Lets get you home Jordan.”

I stand up and take a hold of his hand so that he comes with me and nod to Tyler as I make eye contact with him so that he knows just to go along with everything.

We dropped Vero and Marc-Andre off first.

“Would you like to stay with us tonight Jordan, as you know I have plenty of room?” I ask as I pull away from Vero and Marc-Andres house.

“Would you mind? I don’t fancy being alone tonight. I am so sorry for imposing Tyler I promise I won’t bother you.” His voice is quiet and we have to strain our ears to hear him.

“You are no hassle Jordan you can stay as long as you need. Would you like to play the Xbox for a while when we get home?”

‘He just called my house home, I like that.’

The boys head to the basement as soon as we get in and I head to the kitchen to make hot chocolates. I decide to treat them and I make them with milk putting cream and marshmallows on the top.

I take all 3 cups down to the basement placing 2 on the table in front of the boys and I take the 3rd with me to the chair in the corner of the room, I eat the cream and the marshmallows and then place the cup down in front of me and pick up my guitar.

Quietly strumming away while lost in my own world Tyler and Jordan play computer games and I am completely oblivious to anything around me.

“Gill, you are such a talented musician. You should show off your talent instead of hiding it away.” Jordan stands wide eyed in front of me breaking me from the trance I was in.

“Na, I am happy just playing for fun, I wouldn’t have time to add anything else to my busy schedule, anyway, I want to make sure I have time to spend with you guys…” He smiles at me then stifles a yawn.

“Come on, I will show you to the guest room.” I take his hand and lead him away. Tyler is still sitting on the sofa playing games, I run my hand across his broad shoulders as I pass him.

“I will be up to bed in a few minutes honey, I will just finish this game and then wash up the cups.”

I took Jordan up to one of the guest rooms and showed him where to find things.

“Make yourself at home Jordan and we are just along the corridor if you need anything.” I say as I turn to leave the room.

“Wait a minute Gill” He holds me arm gently and turns me to look at him, “Thank you for tonight, Tyler is so lucky to have you in his life. I appreciate everything you have done for me.”

“Jordan, you are my friend and I am here for you anytime you need me, I have 2 strong shoulders for you to cry on or even if you just want to hang out then call me, please don’t feel like you don’t have anyone.

“Try and get some sleep and I will see you in the morning.”

I give him a hug and leave the room, heading to my own bed to try and get some sleep and find Tyler waiting on me.

“Hey gorgeous, I am sorry about tonight, I just couldn’t leave him on his own.” I take my clothes off and without bothering about Pyjamas I climb into bed next to him and hold him close.

“You have nothing at all to say sorry for, you are an angel and I appreciate everything you done for Staalzy tonight, he is one of my best friends.

“I am so lucky to have you as my girlfriend and I would be so lost without you.” He pulls me closer to him and kisses my forehead.

“I love you Tyler so much.”

We soon fall fast asleep while still in each others arms.

Chapter 19

Before I post the next chapter I just want to congratulate the Pens on winning the Stanley Cup. I am so excited about it and think I have told so many people about it. I am gutted about missing all the celebrations so if anyone has pictures please please please email them to me. Thanks.

Ok to the chapter!!

The following day was Saturday and the Pens had the day off so Tyler joined me in my usual morning routine trying to keep up with me in the swimming pool and failing miserably.

“I was thinking that maybe we could go away somewhere for the day, I have no idea where and I don’t really care, I just want to get away with you for a few hours before the party tonight and before I go away on Monday.”

‘Mario Lemieux is holding a pre season party at his house tonight so I don’t imagine we will be able to get much time alone together.’

We went for a drive and had lunch at a small village close by and then for a walk around the surrounding area.

“I told Marc and Jordan last night that we had told each other we were in love and they were so happy for us.”

“I spoke to the girls too and they are over the moon.

“I hope you didn’t mind me singing last night when you all came back?”

“Are you joking, it was beautiful. You let us express how we all feel when we were away without having to say anything.

“We all get quite lonely and upset when we are away because we know we have left you all alone.”

“You girls are what keeps us going and I am so glad that you have become good friends with the others, especially Vero and Clair. They have both always been there for me and they are very good friends of mine.

“I love you so much and can’t thank you enough for everything you have done for me in the short time I have known you.”

We walked about for a while longer before heading back to Pittsburgh to get something to eat and get ready for the party.

Tyler made up a salad for us while I had a quick shower dressing only in my dressing gown leaving my hair straight and wet until I had eaten so that I did not get food down my outfit, I can be a bit of a klutz some times.

I went back to my bedroom to get changed after we cleaned up the dishes.

As I stood looking in my closet for something to wear TK came up behind me and undid the tie on my dressing gown and quickly pulled it off my shoulders letting it fall to the ground.

“What are you doing Mr Kennedy?” I ask as I shudder at his touch, his hands moving around my waist and his kisses moving around my shoulder blades.

"Helping you get ready...", he answers mischievously.

“I love you so much Gill. I was really looking forward to Sweden until I met you and now I want to stay here with you, I am going to miss you more than I can explain.”

I lift my head up to look at him.

“I am going to miss you too but we knew this was going to happen. We love each other Tyler so we will be fine, being apart will make us stronger and allow us to appreciate each other more. Everything is going to be fine.

“Now Mr Kennedy are you going to help me find a dress for this party or shall I just go like this?” I ask as he places me back down at ground level.

“Ha, I would love to see you going to the party dressed in your birthday suit but I wouldn’t want the guys seeing what I get to see. Let’s go and find you something pretty to wear.”

He picked out a lilac dress which was fitted around my bust and then flowed out, it was cut just above my knee and had thin straps. I picked out deep purple high heeled shoes and a deep purple clutch bag. Since it was getting colder I also choose to wear a deep purple silk shall.

Tyler wore his black pin stripped suit with a lilac shirt and a deep purple tie and we laughed at how we wore matching colours.

I looked at us in the mirror and couldn’t help but smile.

‘I am so happy.’

Chapter 16

Right Tiifany, hear goes chapter 16. Let me know what you think of it. Hopefully I will get some more comments, hearing everyones feedback does a lot for my confidence. I will try to get the new chapter up on Sunday.

Oh and I have so much faith in the Pens tonight, I dreamt last night that they won the cup and I am looking at that as being a good omen, I really think they can win! LETS GO PENS!!

So back to the story...

I decided to park my car at the office and walk over to the arena, the 2 car parks were almost joined but my designated space was far enough away that Tyler wouldn’t see my car. Even if he does he will probably just think I have gone into the office for something. On game day my office car park gets opened up for the fans to use because their own car park is always full.

I made my way over to the Mellon with my gear and met Ray at the reception where he escorted me to the training room where I would take the class.

I got myself set up and put on my kung fu clothing and my black belt. I tied my hair up into a high ponytail and busied myself in the corner with the pads as I heard the boys coming along the corridor.

I kept my back to everyone as I listened to Ray and Michel Therrian gather everyone round.

“Right guys, I won’t keep you in suspense any longer… Gill will you come over and tell the guys what we have organised.”

I turn round and see the look of shock on everyone’s face especially Tyler but soon his look of shock turns to one of happiness and relief.

“Good afternoon guys, hope you are all well after the game last night.

“Ray has asked me to do some specific training with you all… somehow he has found out that I am a qualified kung fu instructor and he would like me to do some classes with you all to build on your strength. I will also incorporate some self defence techniques which eventually we will take out onto the ice so that you can use it when getting into a fight during a game.

“Any questions anyone?”

I looked round everyone to see them all shaking there heads.

“Last night you were all so loud and now I can’t get a word out of you… anyway let’s start with a warm up.”

I put them through a rigorous warm up and then asked for a volunteer.

“You go TK.” I heard as everyone pushed him forward.

“I will let you pick on TK today but I will look for a different volunteer every session.

“I am going to start by showing you the best way to stretch your legs before doing kung fu and then I will demonstrate the 3 basic kicks that you will need as you work through each grading.

“Before any of you ask you will all get graded and if you’re good enough you will get your belts as your progress and right now you are all working towards your white belt.

“Ok Tyler, come here please and if you can lean against the wall with both of your legs straight.”

I hear some giggles come from the guys but chose to ignore them for the moment.

“Ok, lift one of your legs letting me take a hold of your ankle and control where your leg goes.”

I cup my hand around his ankle making sure that both of his legs are still straight.

“I am going to start lifting your leg up and when you feel these muscle pulling tell me to stop.” I run my hands over the muscles in the top half of his leg pointing out the ones I need him to work on and can tell by the look on his face that I am sending him over the edge.

“Stop” he quickly replies.

“Ok tense and relax the muscles continuing to do this until they feel looser.”

I pull his shorts up slightly letting the guys see what I am talking about and then we work on the other leg.

“Right, now it is your turn to stretch my legs and then we will work on the side muscles of your legs.

“Let me take these baggy trousers off for a moment so that everyone can see what they are meant to be looking for when stretching each others legs.”

I look at Tyler and see his eyes widening in shock and I hear a cheer from all the guys. I always wear fitted ¾ length trousers when wearing my kung fu outfit as it is very baggy due to the style of martial arts clothing.

I place my trousers on the floor and then stand against wall as TK had done moments before.

He lifts my leg up and I keep him right, when I tell him to stop and I flex the muscles to stretch them when I hear Jordan in the background.

“My word, she can lift her legs higher than you can mate.

“You are one lucky guy TK, she has amazing legs. I wouldn’t mind running my hands down them and then seeing what is underneath the rest of those clothes.”

“We went out for a 5 mile run this morning and then Gill swam 100 length of the full size swimming pool she has in her house, I swear she is fitter than all of us put together.

“but please stop think about what is under her clothes Jordan although I can assure you it is just as nice as it looks, in fact better.” TK answers without even thinking about it.

“Come on guys remember that I am here and can hear everything you are saying about me.”

We finish off the stretching and I put my trousers back on much to everyone’s disappointment.

The guys all have a shot at stretching their legs and then I show them the kicks taking the kicking pad around telling everyone to kick the target as they practice all three kicks.

“I not kick lady” Geno explains to me with his adorable broken English accent.

“I can handle it Geno.”

“No, I not kick lady.”

“Ok Geno, you take the pad” I show him where to hold it, “and tense your body then I will prove my strength to you.”

He does as I ask and I quickly do all three kicks, kicking him hard but not with my full strength. I don’t want to be responsible for hurting the Penguins.

“Gill you kick hard. Tyler you no upset Gill or she beat you.” He laughs that cheeky laugh as he hands me the pad back and gets ready to kick.

I work round all the guys and they have a go at kicking the pad.

“You are all picking this up well so I am going to move on and show you the etiquette that again you will use throughout your training and then I will show you number one hand block. If you pick that up well I will show you a bit of self defence and then I will show you something that I want to you to practice along with your kicks before the next session.

“TK if you will come forward again.”

I show them what we discussed and again they picked it up fast so I decided to have a bit of fun and show them some self defence.

“TK come here, if you start by doing the etiquette and then moving into left fighting stance.

“Good, now I want you to step forward with your right foot while punching out with your right arm, I want you to aim for my nose. While we are still practicing wait until your partner nods their head to signal they are ready.

I nodded and he did as I asked, I proceeded to step back with my right foot and block his arm with my left hand, instead of carrying on with the number one hand block I grabbed his arm and pulled him down towards me bringing my right elbow up to hit his jaw (which I intentionally missed), the motion of the right arm following through and wrapping itself around the back of his neck while continuing to hold his arm. I brought my right knee up kneeing him in the stomach with very little force (again so not to hurt, we are only practicing after all). Bringing my right arm back and my right leg back down, my left hand still holding on to his arm I placed my right hand on his shoulder and pushed him away making him fall to the ground.

When doing this exercise it flows together and is over in seconds so TK never knew what hit him. When he landed on the floor the guys all cheered and clapped as TK looked at me with that look of hunger that I had previously seen in the restaurant.

They practiced for a while before I gave them some exercises to practice before the next session.

“So guys, did you have a fun?”

“Yeah” Max pipes up. “We loved seeing you beat up your boyfriend.” He says laughing.

“Seriously we all had a good time, thanks Gill. I certainly feel like I have had a good work out and think I am going to get a lot out of it.”

“Good stuff. Well remember to try and find some time to practice and I will see you all when you get back from Toronto. Good luck for the game and have fun.”

The guys all left leaving TK to say goodbye again.

“You have no idea how much that turned me on, I so wish I could take you home and show you just how much I enjoyed the class.” TK leans in kissing my lips passionately before moving down and kissing my neck, his hands wondering trying to find his way under my martial arts jacket without much success.

“As much as I hate saying this you have to stop. The bus is waiting for you.”

I walked him down to the bus and gave him a kiss before I waved them all off.

Oops.

Thanks to Tiffany I have noticed that somehow when posting this story I have missed out a a chapter, apologies for the confusion. When the hubby returns with the laptop I will get this posted along with the next chapter.

I am really pleased that some of you are still reading the story and enjoying it, as I said all comments, good or bad are welcome and much appreciated.

And once again LETS GO PENS!!! I know you can still do it boys, I still have faith.

Chapter 18

Before I post the next chapter I would just like to say that despite last nights terrible loss I still have faith in the Pens, I still think that they can win, the definitely will win game 6, there is no way they will let those Red Wings beat them on home ground again, especially after a loss like last night. I know they can do it. LETS GO PENS!!!

Also, if anyone is still reading this can you leave me a comment to let me know what you think of it, my confidence in the story is a bit low just now because I am not sure that anyone is even still reading it. All comments are welcome, good or bad. Thanks.

And now for the next chapter!!!


I got up at my usual time to go for my run and swim before heading off to work knowing that I will have so much do to, I guess it serves me right for taking a day off.

Right enough my day was constant. I had so much to do and was so glad when the girls started appearing at about 1630.

“You look stressed Gill” Clair tells me as she gives me a hug.

Clair is Petr Sykora’s wife and she is lovely.

“I have had such a busy day, there is still so much going on with regards to the company takeover and I have a never ending list of people wanting to talk to me. I love my job but on days like this I wish I could run away and hide. I am glad it is Friday.”

“Why don’t you employ someone to do your job and then all you have to do is spend the money?” I hear Max’s current bimbo ask.

She is one of the girls that Vero told me is not faithful but then again I can’t imagine Max ever being faithful either.

“I love my company and I love working here, believe it or not, not everything is about money.

“Clair, I hear you are a big fan of books?”

I change the subject before Tracey (Max’s girlfriend) gets a chance to answer.

“Yeah I love them, I am always reading.”

“I am going to a book awards ceremony next week in New York when the guys are away, would you like to come to the office and see the library in the basement and then come to the awards with me? You will get good food, be able to meet some great authors and most likely get to take some never to be published books home with you. I will also put us up in one of the nicest hotels I have ever seen. I was thinking about asking Vero to come along too even though I know she is not a book worm like us.”

“That would be amazing, we will have to go out shopping before hand and get beautiful dresses.” She answers sounding so excited.

“Cool, well why don’t we go to New York on Tuesday so that we have most of Wednesday to shop before the awards at night?”

“Great I can’t wait.”

We went out for a meal and then some of the girls decided to go out on the town so Lorna, Vero, Clair and I decided just to head back to mine to watch the game. We all text our men and told them to meet us at my house when they got back.

I opened a couple of bottles of wine and put out some nibbles and we settled down to watch the game. The Pens won again so we knew they would be in a good mood when they got back.

“Gill, can you sing us something?” Clair asks once the game is finished.

“I don’t normally sing in front of people.”

“But you have great voice Gill, please?” Vero pleads.

“Come on Gill, I have never heard you play or sing before.” Lorna adds her comments.

“Ok, Ok, what do you want me to sing?”

They all look at each other and if reading each others mind all at once they ask for Tim McGraw and Faith Hill.

“Ok, no bother.”

I sit at the piano and play cords for a moment or two warming up my hands.

“Ok girls this is ‘Like we Never Loved’ by Tim McGraw and Faith Hill"


You never looked so good
As you did last night
Underneath those city lights
Then walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me
But I'm still living with your goodbyes
And you're just going on with your life

How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

You, I hear you're doing fine
Seems like you're doing well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is
Just to let it go let it go like you did, like you did

How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

Did you forget the magic…
Did you forget the passion…
Did you ever miss me…
Ever long to kiss me

How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

The room was quiet as all the girls took in the meaning of the song, each of them thinking about their lives and the love they have for their men hoping that they will never feel they way that Faith Hill does in this song.

“I am going to sing one more song that makes me think of Tyler, I am not sure if you will know it or not, it is called ‘Home’.

Another sunny day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
I want to go home

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just want to go home

Oh I miss you, You know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters
That I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
I'm fine baby how are you
Well I would send them but
I know it's that it's just not enough
The words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I'm lucky, I know
But I want to go home
I've got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just to far
From where you are
I've got to come home
Let me come home
I've had my run
Baby I'm down
I want to come home

And I feel just like
I'm living
Someone else’s life
It's like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day
Has come and gone away
In either Paris and Rome
And I Want To Go Home

I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I've had my run
Baby I'm down
I want to go home
Let me go home
It'll all be alright
I'll be home tonight
I'm coming back home

I again looked around the room as the girls sat with distant looks on their faces knowing that the men they loved all had to face these feelings every time they were away, that although they all loved their jobs they hated leaving their women behind.

“Is everyone ok?” I ask as I close the lid on the piano and went back to the sofa.

“When the guys come round can you sing that song again Gill, it describes what they feel so well and I think it will mean a lot to them.

“Have you told Tyler you love him?” Vero asks.

“Yeah I will play the song.

“What makes you think I love Tyler? I have only known him for just over a week?”

“It is written all over your face Gill, the emotion is your eyes is so strong and we have all seen how you are together. It is ok, we understand and are so happy for you both, you are good together and we have never seen TK like this before, you make him feel like he can be himself, he doesn’t need to pretend anymore.”

“We talked about it the night before last and we told each other then how we are feeling. We admitted that we have fallen in love but are really scared because everything has happened so quickly.”

We all talked for the rest of the evening about our feelings for the men, each of us admitting our fears and insecurities but also smiling about how happy these guys make us.

We completely lost track of time and before we knew it we heard the front door opening and the guys laughing hysterically about something.

“What is so funny?” I ask Tyler as he dumps is stuff and sits down on me giving me a quick kiss.

“You would think that I don’t have enough seats or something.” I say as I see everyone laughing at him.

“We just had a pretty mad journey home everyone has been hyper for some reason.” TK answers as he leans down to kiss me again.

We all sit talking for a while after the boys get themselves something to drink and eat the nibbles that I had put out for the girls.

“We have asked Gill to sing you all a song.” Clair tells the guys as she cuddles in to Petr, “We think it sums up the way you all feel when you are away.”

Tyler moved off me so that I could I get up giving me a reassuring smile as I walk away.

Again I sit down at the piano and warm up my hands.

This song is called ‘Home’

…I’m coming back home.

As I close the lid on the keys I look around everyone again to see all the couples holding each other close, all of the guys except Sidney sobbing slightly, I felt Tyler come up behind me and as I stand up he turns me round and pulls me into him holding me tight.

“I love you so much Gill,” he whispers into my ear.

“I love you too.”

I look at him and wipe his tears away.

‘I know now that I am doing the right thing. His reaction to that song has proved to me just how much he loves me.’

‘I really don’t trust Sidney though, I think he is just using Lorna and I am really worried.’

We all sat talking for a while longer with everyone leaving about an hour later.

Tyler and I went to bed without saying much, both of us content just to be with each one and other. We curled up in each others arms falling fast asleep within minutes.

New Blog!!

My husband has started writing a blog. It just has a few random posts at the moment, please have a look and post a couple of comments for him. Thanks everyone. The link is as follows:

http://thinkingoutsidethebrain.blogspot.com/

Chapter 17

My phone rang as I was driving home and since when I am in the car my phone is always on hands free I answered it. I did not recognise the number so I answered politely in case it was a business call.

“Good afternoon, Gill Robertson speaking.”

“Hey Gill, it is Vero, how are you?”

“Hey V, I am good thanks, how are you? I am just heading home if you fancy coming over.”

“I am fine thanks. Yeah that would be good. I was just calling to ask if you fancied meeting tomorrow after you finish work, I thought we could all go out for a bite to eat and then watch the game.

“Sounds good to me, you want to just tell everyone to meet at the office and we can go somewhere from there?”

“OK, can I get Lorna’s phone number and I will ask her if she wants to come?”

I gave her Lorna’s phone number and Vero said she would phone the girls and then head round to mine for a bit so I said I would heat up some pasta and sauce for us.

About an hour later Vero appeared at the door with flowers and a bottle of wine.

“Aww, thank you Vero, you are an angel.”

“A lot of the girls have gone out on the town tonight, they usually do when they guys are away but I don’t want to be tarred with the same brush as them.” Vero tells me as she follows me to the kitchen.

“Are they not faithful to the guys?”

“Most of them are but a few of them are just puck bunnies, they are out for all they can get and I am not like that. I have known Marc all my life and I love him more than words can explain. I can see that you too are genuine and I can trust you, I think me and you will make a good team.” Vero smiles and gives me a big hug.

“You are a good lass Vero, I too think we will make a good team.”

The conversation continues about many things when Vero asks:

“Do you know why the guys had to go into the Mellon before they got the bus today? Marc said it was some sort of strange surprise for them, did TK say anything? I have not spoken to Marc since he left the house and he probably won’t call until later tonight.”

“Ha, no he never said anything but I have known for a couple of days what the plan was.

“Ray phoned me the other day when I was at work and he told me that an unnamed source told him that I am a qualified kung fu instructor. He then continued to ask if I would do some training with the guys. Eventually I agreed but for some reason he did not want me to mention to anyone.”

“Wow, so do you have like a black belt and stuff? Did the guys enjoy it?”

“They actually seemed to have a great time, they especially liked me using TK as a volunteer for self defence and getting him on the ground with little or no effort but I have told them that they cannot pick on him every week, they will all take it in turns to be my volunteer. Oh and yes I have a black belt.”

We carried on talking, getting to know each other better when she said she better go home and that she would see me the next day.

“Goodnight Vero, see you tomorrow.”

I spoke to Tyler briefly on the phone before settling down for a good nights sleep.